“To Nicolae.” There was only acceptance and the need to understand in Mary Ann’s voice; the terrible knot in Destiny’s stomach relaxed. She returned to the chair. “I don’t know all that much about Carpathians, but there is a darkness in the males, from what Nicolae tells me. That darkness is what allows them to turn vampire. They fight it, of course. Nicolae has been fighting for a long time.”
MaryAnn hitched her chair closer. “And your blood somehow makes it more difficult for him? What are you saying?”
“I don’t know what will happen if he takes my blood. When we make love, it’s difficult, nearly impossible not to”—she hesitated, searching for the right word—”indulge that side of our craving too. It becomes erotic. Nicolae’s need is very strong. I don’t think there’s a cure for me. If we’re together, we aren’t going to be able to resist the lure of that side of our hunger.” She passed a hand over her face. “I couldn’t bear to be his destruction, MaryAnn. I wanted to walk away from him, but it’s too late for that.”
MaryAnn immediately rose to wrap a comforting arm around Destiny’s shoulders. “Have you discussed your fears with Nicolae?”
Destiny touched MaryAnn’s mind, afraid of what she must be thinking of her revelations, but MaryAnn was as centered as always. She accepted the things Destiny told her with her usual equilibrium and was struggling to understand.
“We talked about it. He doesn’t worry about himself; he only thinks about me.” It set her teeth on edge, his total commitment to her. Destiny wasn’t comfortable with devotion. Or love.
“People search their entire lives looking for what you have, Destiny. Don’t be afraid of it.”
Destiny glared at MaryAnn in disgust. “You sound just like Father Mulligan. I ask him a question and he gives me some sort of philosophical Zen answer. What kind of advice is ‘have courage’? What does that mean? Have courage to do what? Isn’t a priest supposed to give spiritual advice? You know, MaryAnn, I’m beginning to think you make it up as you go along, you and Father Mulligan.”
MaryAnn’s eyebrow shot up. “Are we supposed to have the answers? You don’t have the answers—how would we? You can only keep moving ahead, Destiny. You keep your eyes open and with luck you see the pitfalls before you step into them, but you embrace life and live it as best you can.”
“Tell me something, Mary Ann. Do you think your life has been changed, knowing there are such evil creatures in the world as vampires?”
“Of course my life has changed. But am I going to live it in fear? I hope not. I hope I face each day with courage and dignity. You do that. I wouldn’t mind being like you.”
The shock of those words was tremendous, shaking Destiny to the very core of her existence. She found herself gaping at Mary Ann, nearly choking on her protest. MaryAnn was everything Destiny had ever wanted to be. “Are you crazy? I’m a mess.”
MaryAnn patted her arm. “That’s normal, Destiny. We’re all a mess in our minds. Welcome to the world of human reality.”
A faint smile lit Destiny’s eyes. “Well, I guess we didn’t solve the world’s problems, but I sat in a chair and talked for the first time in years without feeling like I couldn’t breathe.” The moment she said the words, her smile faded. It was you, Nicolae. You are helping me to be able to be inside this structure, conversing with her, aren’t you? I’ve never been able to do this.
There was an impression of warmth surrounding her like strong arms. Destiny leapt out of the chair as if it were a viper threatening to bite her. Her eyes darkened to a brilliant green. “That man is a total jerk! Why did I ever think I might want a relationship with him?” Her hand flew defensively to her throat. She could feel his lips brushing just there over her pulse. At once her skin throbbed and her body burned. You aren’t helping your silly courtship. I am not a baby to be aided without my consent or knowledge. I don’t want your help, and I don’t need it!