“Cheers.”
At least, that is sort of how I remember it. Oblivion had crept perceptibly nearer by then, was almost touching my collar. I leaned back and let it go to work.
Sleep, that unwrinkleth the drip-dry garment of concern, found me later at that dust-and-ashes place where the people go out one by one. I made it to the mattress in the corner, sprawled there and said good night to the ceiling.
Then-
With the water streaming in the basin, lather on my face, Merimee’s razor in my hand and me in the mirror, the mists fell away and there was Mt. Fuji. From this station, couched in the center of my most recent dark space, was the thing I had sought, freed by whatever arcane cue had just occurred:
DO YOU HEAR ME, FRED?
YES.
GOOD. THE UNIT IS PROPERLY PROGRAMMED. OUR PURPOSES WILL BE SERVED.
WHAT ARE OUR PURPOSES?
A SINGLE TRANSFORMATION IS ALL THAT WILL BE NECESSARY NOW.
WHAT SORT OF TRANSFORMATION?
PASSAGE THROUGH THE MOBILATOR OF THE N-AXIAL INVERSION UNIT.
YOU MEAN THE CENTRAL COMPONENT OF THE RHENNIUS MACHINE?
AFFIRMATIVE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO RUN THROUGH IT?
YOURSELF.
MYSELF?
YOURSELF.
WHY?
VITAL TRANSFORMATION.
OF WHAT SORT?
INVERSION, OF COURSE.
WHY INVERT?
NECESSARY. IT WILL SET EVERYTHING IN PROPER ORDER.
BY REVERSING ME?
EXACTLY.
COULD IT BE DANGEROUS TO MY HEALTH?
NO MORE THAN MANY OTHER THINGS YOU DO IN THE COURSE OF YOUR DAILY AFFAIRS.
WHAT ASSURANCE HAVE I OF THIS?
MINE.
IF I RECALL CORRECTLY, YOU ARE A RECORDING.
I-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI-XXXSPEICUSPEICUSPEICUSPEICUSPEICUSXXXXXXXXXXX PEICXXXUSPEIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
NEVER MIND.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDO YOU HEAR ME, FRED? DO YOU HEAR ME, FRED?
STILL HERE.
WILL YOU DO IT?
JUST ONCE THROUGH THE THING?
CORRECT. BY NO MEANS MORE THAN THAT.
WHY NOT? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I REPEATED IT?
I AM HAMPERED BY THE LACK OF AN ALGEBRAIC SOLUTION TO A GENERAL EQUATION OF THE FIFTH DEGREE.
JUST TELL ME IN PLAIN WORDS.
IT WOULD BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH.
HOW DANGEROUS?
TERMINALLY SO.
I AM NOT CERTAIN I LIKE THE IDEA.
NECESSARY. IT WILL SET EVERYTHING IN PROPER ORDER.
YOU ARE SURE THAT IT WILL HAVE THE EFFECT OF MAKING THINGS CLEARER, OF BRINGING SOME ORDER TO THE PRESENT MUDDLED SITUATION?
OH YESXXXXXXXYESXXYESXXYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESXXXXXXXXYES.
I AM GLAD YOU ARE SO CONFIDENT.
THEN YOU WILL DO IT?
IT IS SUFFICIENTLY BIZARRE TO BE A HAIR OF THE DOG.
PLEASE CLARIFY.
YES. AFFIRMATIVE. I WILL DO IT.
YOU WILL NOT HAVE REGRETS.
LET US HOPE. WHEN SHOULD I BE ABOUT IT?
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
ALL RIGHT I WILL THINK OF SOME WAY TO GET AT IT AGAIN.
THAT THEN IS ALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
There it was, in its entirety. Instant replay-only in less time than it took me to raise my hand to my cheek and cut a highway through the lather. My nameless respondent had come through all right, and this time he had promised a satisfying result. I began to hum. Even a shaky assurance of enlightenment is better than indefinite uncertainty.
When I had finished, I bypassed the front room and made my way into the kitchen. It was a narrow place, with a sink full of dirty dishes and the smell of curry in the air. I set about assembling a meal.
In the lower right-hand drawer of the refrigerator, lying atop the package of bacon, I discovered a note. It said simply: “Remember the number and what I said about calling it.”
So I ran the digits through my mind, over and over, as I scrambled, fried and toasted. Then, just as I was sitting down to eat, the donkey came into the kitchen and stared at me.
“Coffee?” I suggested.
“Stop that!”
“What?”
“Those numbers. It is extremely irritating.”
“What numbers?”
“The ones you are thinking. They are swarming like insects.”
I spread marmalade on a piece of toast and took a bite.
“Go to hell,” I said. “My uses for telepathic donkeys are limited, and what I do in the privacy of my own mind is my business.”
“The human mind, Mister Cassidy, is seldom worth the visit. I assure you I did not request the assignment of monitoring yours. It is obvious now that I erred in mentioning a creature courtesy you cannot appreciate. I suppose that I should apologize.”