FENIMORE COOPER’S LITERARY OFFENCES by Mark Twain

important omission; for this nail-head is a hundred yards from the

marksmen, and could not be seen by them at that distance, no matter what

its color might be.

How far can the best eyes see a common house-fly? A hundred yards? It

is quite impossible. Very well; eyes that cannot see a house-fly that is

a hundred yards away cannot see an ordinary nailhead at that distance,

for the size of the two objects is the same. It takes a keen eye to see

a fly or a nailhead at fifty yards–one hundred and fifty feet. Can the

reader do it?

The nail was lightly driven, its head painted, and game called. Then the

Cooper miracles began. The bullet of the first marksman chipped an edge

off the nail-head; the next man’s bullet drove the nail a little way into

the target–and removed all the paint. Haven’t the miracles gone far

enough now? Not to suit Cooper; for the purpose of this whole scheme is

to show off his prodigy, Deerslayer Hawkeye–Long-Rifle-Leather-Stocking-

Pathfinder-Bumppo before the ladies.

“‘Be all ready to clench it, boys I’ cried out Pathfinder,

stepping into his friend’s tracks the instant they were vacant.

‘Never mind a new nail; I can see that, though the paint is

gone, and what I can see I can hit at a hundred yards, though

it were only a mosquito’s eye. Be ready to clench!’

“The rifle cracked, the bullet sped its way, and the head of the nail was

buried in the wood, covered by the piece of flattened lead.”

There, you see, is a man who could hunt flies with a rifle, and command a

ducal salary in a Wild West show to-day if we had him back with us.

The recorded feat is certainly surprising just as it stands; but it is

not surprising enough for Cooper. Cooper adds a touch. He has made

Pathfinder do this miracle with another man’s rifle; and not only that,

but Pathfinder did not have even the advantage of loading it himself. He

had everything against him, and yet he made that impossible shot; and not

only made it, but did it with absolute confidence, saying, “Be ready to

clench.” Now a person like that would have undertaken that same feat

with a brickbat, and with Cooper to help he would have achieved it, too.

Pathfinder showed off handsomely that day before the ladies. His very

first feat was a thing which no Wild West show can touch. He was

standing with the group of marksmen, observing–a hundred yards from the

target, mind; one jasper raised his rifle and drove the centre of the

bull’s-eye. Then the Quartermaster fired. The target exhibited no

result this time. There was a laugh. “It’s a dead miss,” said Major

Lundie. Pathfinder waited an impressive moment or two; then said, in

that calm, indifferent, know-it-all way of his, “No, Major, he has

covered jasper’s bullet, as will be seen if any one will take the trouble

to examine the target.”

Wasn’t it remarkable! How could he see that little pellet fly through

the air and enter that distant bullet-hole? Yet that is what he did; for

nothing is impossible to a Cooper person. Did any of those people have

any deep-seated doubts about this thing? No; for that would imply

sanity, and these were all Cooper people.

“The respect for Pathfinder’s skill and for his ‘quickness and

accuracy of sight'” (the italics [”] are mine) “was so

profound and general, that the instant he made this declaration

the spectators began to distrust their own opinions, and a

dozen rushed to the target in order to ascertain the fact.

There, sure enough, it was found that the Quartermaster’s

bullet had gone through the hole made by Jasper’s, and that,

too, so accurately as to require a minute examination to be

certain of the circumstance, which, however, was soon clearly

established by discovering one bullet over the other in the

stump against which the target was placed.”

They made a “minute” examination; but never mind, how could they know

that there were two bullets in that hole without digging the latest one

out? for neither probe nor eyesight could prove the presence of any more

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