Goldsmiths Friend Abroad Again by Mark Twain

who makes likenesses of people with a machine), who had been for some

time patching the pictured heads of well-known and respectable young

ladies to the nude, pictured bodies of another class of women; then from

this patched creation he would make photographs and sell them privately

at high prices to rowdies and blackguards, averring that these, the best

young ladies of the city, had hired him to take their likenesses in that

unclad condition. What a lecture the police judge read that photographer

when he was convicted! He told him his crime was little less than an

outrage. He abused that photographer till he almost made him sink

through the floor, and then he fined him a hundred dollars. And he told

him he might consider himself lucky that he didn’t fine him a hundred and

twenty-five dollars. They are awfully severe on crime here.

About two or two and a half hours after midnight, of that first

experience of mine in the city prison, such of us as were dozing were

awakened by a noise of beating and dragging and groaning, and in a little

while a man was pushed into our den with a “There, d—n you, soak there

a spell!”–and then the gate was closed and the officers went away again.

The man who was thrust among us fell limp and helpless by the grating,

but as nobody could reach him with a kick without the trouble of hitching

along toward him or getting fairly up to deliver it, our people only

grumbled at him, and cursed him, and called him insulting names–for

misery and hardship do not make their victims gentle or charitable toward

each other. But as he neither tried humbly to conciliate our people nor

swore back at them, his unnatural conduct created surprise, and several

of the party crawled to him where he lay in the dim light that came

through the grating, and examined into his case. His head was very

bloody and his wits were gone. After about an hour, he sat up and stared

around; then his eyes grew more natural and he began to tell how that he

was going along with a bag on his shoulder and a brace of policemen

ordered him to stop, which he did not do–was chased and caught, beaten

ferociously about the head on the way to the prison and after arrival

there, and finally I thrown into our den like a dog.

And in a few seconds he sank down again and grew flighty of speech. One

of our people was at last penetrated with something vaguely akin to

compassion, may be, for he looked out through the gratings at the

guardian officer, pacing to and fro, and said:

“Say, Mickey, this shrimp’s goin’ to die.”

“Stop your noise!” was all the answer he got. But presently our man

tried it again. He drew himself to the gratings, grasping them with his

hands, and looking out through them, sat waiting till the officer was

passing once more, and then said:

“Sweetness, you’d better mind your eye, now, because you beats have

killed this cuss. You’ve busted his head and he’ll pass in his checks

before sun-up. You better go for a doctor, now, you bet you had.”

The officer delivered a sudden rap on our man’s knuckles with his club,

that sent him scampering and howling among the sleeping forms on the

flag-stones, and an answering burst of laughter came from the half dozen

policemen idling about the railed desk in the middle of the dungeon.

But there was a putting of heads together out there presently, and a

conversing in low voices, which seemed to show that our man’s talk had

made an impression; and presently an officer went away in a hurry, and

shortly came back with a person who entered our cell and felt the bruised

man’s pulse and threw the glare of a lantern on his drawn face, striped

with blood, and his glassy eyes, fixed and vacant. The doctor examined

the man’s broken head also, and presently said:

“If you’d called me an hour ago I might have saved this man, may be too

late now.”

Then he walked out into the dungeon and the officers surrounded him, and

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