“I absolutely refuse to give any more loafers free board and lodging.”
“Any MORE?”
“Well, he would be the second, wouldn’t he?”
Archie looked pained.
“It’s true,” he said, “that when I first came here I was temporarily resting, so to speak; but didn’t I go right out and grab the managership of your new hotel? Positively!”
“I will NOT adopt this tramp.”
“Well, find him a job, then.”
“What sort of a job?”
“Oh, any old sort”
“He can be a waiter if he likes.”
“All right; I’ll put the matter before him.”
He returned to the bedroom. The Sausage Chappie was gazing fondly into the mirror with a spotted tie draped round his neck.
“I say, old top,” said Archie, apologetically, “the Emperor of the Blighters out yonder says you can have a job here as waiter, and he won’t do another dashed thing for you. How about it?”
“Do waiters eat?”
“I suppose so. Though, by Jove, come to think of it, I’ve never seen one at it.”
“That’s good enough for me!” said the Sausage Chappie. “When do I begin?”
CHAPTER XIX
REGGIE COMES TO LIFE
The advantage of having plenty of time on one’s hands is that one has leisure to attend to the affairs of all one’s circle of friends; and Archie, assiduously as he watched over the destinies of the Sausage Chappie, did not neglect the romantic needs of his brother- in-law Bill. A few days later, Lucille, returning one morning to their mutual suite, found her husband seated in an upright chair at the table, an unusually stern expression on his amiable face. A large cigar was in the corner of his mouth. The fingers of one hand rested in the armhole of his waistcoat: with the other hand he tapped menacingly on the table.
As she gazed upon him, wondering what could be the matter with him, Lucille was suddenly aware of Bill’s presence. He had emerged sharply from the bedroom and was walking briskly across the floor. He came to a halt in front of the table.
“Father!” said Bill.
Archie looked up sharply, frowning heavily over his cigar.
“Well, my boy,” he said in a strange, rasping voice. “What is it? Speak up, my boy, speak up! Why the devil can’t you speak up? This is my busy day!”
“What on earth are you doing?” asked Lucille.
Archie waved her away with the large gesture of a man of blood and iron interrupted while concentrating.
“Leave us, woman! We would be alone! Retire into the jolly old background and amuse yourself for a bit. Read a book. Do acrostics. Charge ahead, laddie.”
“Father!” said Bill, again.
“Yes, my boy, yes? What is it?”
“Father!”
Archie picked up the red-covered volume that lay on the table.
“Half a mo’, old son. Sorry to stop you, but I knew there was something. I’ve just remembered. Your walk. All wrong!”
“All wrong?”
“All wrong! Where’s the chapter on the Art. of Walking? Here we are. Listen, dear old soul. Drink this in. ‘In walking, one should strive to acquire that swinging, easy movement from the hips. The correctly-poised walker seems to float along, as it were.’ Now, old bean, you didn’t float a dam’ bit. You just galloped in like a chappie charging into a railway restaurant for a bowl of soup when his train leaves in two minutes. Dashed important, this walking business, you know. Get started wrong, and where are you? Try it again…. Much better.” He turned to Lucille. “Notice him float along that time? Absolutely skimmed, what?”
Lucille had taken a seat,-and was waiting for enlightenment.
“Are you and Bill going into vaudeville?” she asked.
Archie, scrutinising-his-brother-in-law closely, had further criticism to make.
“‘The man of self-respect and self-confidence,'” he read, “‘stands erect in an easy, natural, graceful attitude. Heels not too far apart, head erect, eyes to the front with a level gaze’–get your gaze level, old thing!–‘shoulders thrown back, arms hanging naturally at the sides when not otherwise employed’–that means that, if he tries to hit you, it’s all right to guard–‘chest expanded naturally, and abdomen’–this is no place for you, Lucille. Leg it out of earshot–‘ab–what I said before–drawn in somewhat and above all not protruded.’ Now, have you got all that? Yes, you look all right. Carry on, laddie, carry on. Let’s have two-penn’orth of the Dynamic Voice and the Tone of Authority–some of the full, rich, round stuff we hear so much about!”