During graduate school and the five years following, she’d filled her hours measuring human motor and visual skills under various levels of intoxication. Easy access to subjects: County Hospital was the treatment center of last resort for physically wasted alcoholic paupers who used the emergency room as their private clinic. E.R. docs called them GOMER’s-Get Out of My Emergency Room.
Her results had been consistent: booze slowed you down. Statistically significant but hardly profound. Lots of academics drudged through undistinguished careers with that kind of stuff. Maybe she had tired of the grant game.
One interesting fact: she’d always published solo-unusual for academic medicine, where chairmen commonly stuck their names on everything underlings produced.
Maybe Myron Theobold had integrity.
Letting Claire do her own thing.
Claire going it alone from the very beginning.
A rattling sound made me turn. Milo had been handling the objects on the desktop and a pen had dropped. He retrieved it and placed it next to a small calendar in a green plastic frame. Another drug company giveaway. Empty memo pad. No appointments, no indentations on the pad.
Such a spare life.
Several books trumpeting the virtues of serene simplicity had recently gone best-seller. I wondered if the newly rich authors practiced what they preached.
This house didn’t seem serene, just blank, hollow, null.
We left the office and moved to the bathroom. Shampoo, soap, toothpaste, multiple vitamins, sanitary napkins, Advil. No birth control pills, no diaphragm. The travertine deck around the tub was clear of niceties. No bath beads or bubble bath or loofah sponge-none of the solitary pleasures women sometimes crave. The porcelain was streaked with amber.
Milo said, “Luminol. No blood in the tub or the drain. No semen on the towels or sheets, just some sweat that matches Claire’s blood type.”
Wondering if anyone but Claire had ever set foot in this house, I thought of the work pattern she’d chosen for herself. Five years with drunks, six months with dangerous psy-chotics. Perhaps, after days immersed in delusion and warp, she’d craved silence, her own brand of Zen.
But that didn’t explain the lack of letters from home, not even a snapshot of parents, nieces, nephews. Some kind of contact.
The ultimate Zen triumph was the ability to lose identity, to thrive on nothingness.
But this place didn’t bespeak any sort of victory. Such a sad little box… or was
I missing something? Projecting my own need for attachment?
I thought of what Claire had hoarded: her books and her articles.
Maybe work had been everything and she had been content.
Yet she’d abandoned her first job impulsively, relinquishing grant money, trading dry but durable science for the chance to school psychotic murderers in the art of daily living.
To what end?
I kept searching for reasons she’d traded County for Starkweather, but the shift continued to bother me. Even with comparable salaries, a civil service position was a comedown from the white-coat work she’d been doing at County. And if she’d craved contact with schizophrenics, County had plenty of those. Dangerous patients? The jail ward was right there.
If she was tired of the publish-or-perish grind, then why not do some private
practice? Neuropsych skills were highly prized, and well-trained neuropsychologists could do forensic work, consult to lawyers on injury cases, bypass the HMO’s and earn five, ten times what Starkweather paid.
Even if money hadn’t been important to her, what about job satisfaction? Why had she subjected herself to shift after shift in the ugly gray building? And the drive to
Starkweather- day after day past the slag.
There had to be some other reason for what I couldn’t stop thinking of as a self-demotion.
It was almost as if she’d punished herself. For what?
Or had she been fleeing something? Had it caught up with her?
7.
IT WAS JUST after two P.M. when we left the house. Outside, the air felt alive.
Milo connected to Laurel Canyon, headed south to Sunset, drove west on the Strip. An accident near Holloway and the usual jam of misery ghouls slowed us, and it was nearly three by the time we crossed through Beverly Hills and over to Beverly Glen.
Neither Milo nor I was saying much. Talked out. He zoomed up the bridle path to my house. Robin’s truck was in the carport.