come to take hands; and then, with public
accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,
–O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart
in the market-place.
BENEDICK Hear me, Beatrice,–
BEATRICE Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!
BENEDICK Nay, but, Beatrice,–
BEATRICE Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
BENEDICK Beat–
BEATRICE Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony,
a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant,
surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I
had any friend would be a man for my sake! But
manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into
compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and
trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules
that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a
man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
BEATRICE Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
BENEDICK Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will
kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand,
Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you
hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your
cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.
Exeunt
Scene 2
A prison.
Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO
DOGBERRY Is our whole dissembly appeared?
VERGES O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY Marry, that am I and my partner.
VERGES Nay, that’s certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
Sexton But which are the offenders that are to be
examined? let them come before master constable.
DOGBERRY Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
name, friend?
BORACHIO Borachio.
DOGBERRY Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
CONRADE I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
you serve God?
CONRADE, BORACHIO Yea, sir, we hope.
DOGBERRY Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
write God first; for God defend but God should go
before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
that you are little better than false knaves; and it
will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
you for yourselves?
CONRADE Marry, sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
you are false knaves.
BORACHIO Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY Well, stand aside. ‘Fore God, they are both in a
tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Sexton Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way. Let the watch
come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince’s
name, accuse these men.
First Watchman This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s
brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain.
BORACHIO Master constable,–
DOGBERRY Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
I promise thee.
Sexton What heard you him say else?
Second Watchman Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton What else, fellow?
First Watchman And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
DOGBERRY O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
redemption for this.
Sexton What else?
Watchman This is all.
Sexton And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
Master constable, let these men be bound, and
brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show
him their examination.
Exit
DOGBERRY Come, let them be opinioned.
VERGES Let them be in the hands–
CONRADE Off, coxcomb!
DOGBERRY God’s my life, where’s the sexton? let him write
down the prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
Thou naughty varlet!
CONRADE Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
DOGBERRY Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
I had been writ down an ass!
Exeunt
Act 5
Scene 1
Before LEONATO’S house.
Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO
ANTONIO If you go on thus, you will kill yourself:
And ’tis not wisdom thus to second grief
Against yourself.
LEONATO I pray thee, cease thy counsel,
Which falls into mine ears as profitless
As water in a sieve: give not me counsel;
Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
Bring me a father that so loved his child,
Whose joy of her is overwhelm’d like mine,
And bid him speak of patience;
Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine
And let it answer every strain for strain,
As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
Bid sorrow wag, cry ‘hem!’ when he should groan,
Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me,
And I of him will gather patience.
But there is no such man: for, brother, men
Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,
Their counsel turns to passion, which before
Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
Charm ache with air and agony with words:
No, no; ’tis all men’s office to speak patience
To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
But no man’s virtue nor sufficiency
To be so moral when he shall endure
The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:
My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
ANTONIO Therein do men from children nothing differ.
LEONATO I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;
For there was never yet philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently,
However they have writ the style of gods
And made a push at chance and sufferance.
ANTONIO Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
Make those that do offend you suffer too.
LEONATO There thou speak’st reason: nay, I will do so.
My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;
And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince
And all of them that thus dishonour her.
ANTONIO Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.
Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO
DON PEDRO Good den, good den.
CLAUDIO Good day to both of you.
LEONATO Hear you. my lords,–
DON PEDRO We have some haste, Leonato.
LEONATO Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.
DON PEDRO Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
ANTONIO If he could right himself with quarreling,
Some of us would lie low.
CLAUDIO Who wrongs him?
LEONATO Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:–
Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
I fear thee not.
CLAUDIO Marry, beshrew my hand,
If it should give your age such cause of fear:
In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.
LEONATO Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:
I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
As under privilege of age to brag
What I have done being young, or what would do
Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
Thou hast so wrong’d mine innocent child and me
That I am forced to lay my reverence by
And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
Do challenge thee to trial of a man.