him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad,
he wants money.
BENEDICK I have the toothache.
DON PEDRO Draw it.
BENEDICK Hang it!
CLAUDIO You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.
DON PEDRO What! sigh for the toothache?
LEONATO Where is but a humour or a worm.
BENEDICK Well, every one can master a grief but he that has
it.
CLAUDIO Yet say I, he is in love.
DON PEDRO There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be
a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the
shape of two countries at once, as, a German from
the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from
the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy
to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
CLAUDIO If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
believing old signs: a’ brushes his hat o’
mornings; what should that bode?
DON PEDRO Hath any man seen him at the barber’s?
CLAUDIO No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with him,
and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
stuffed tennis-balls.
LEONATO Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.
DON PEDRO Nay, a’ rubs himself with civet: can you smell him
out by that?
CLAUDIO That’s as much as to say, the sweet youth’s in love.
DON PEDRO The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
CLAUDIO And when was he wont to wash his face?
DON PEDRO Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear
what they say of him.
CLAUDIO Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into
a lute-string and now governed by stops.
DON PEDRO Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude,
conclude he is in love.
CLAUDIO Nay, but I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.
CLAUDIO Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of
all, dies for him.
DON PEDRO She shall be buried with her face upwards.
BENEDICK Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight
or nine wise words to speak to you, which these
hobby-horses must not hear.
Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO
DON PEDRO For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
CLAUDIO ‘Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two
bears will not bite one another when they meet.
Enter DON JOHN
DON JOHN My lord and brother, God save you!
DON PEDRO Good den, brother.
DON JOHN If your leisure served, I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO In private?
DON JOHN If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for
what I would speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO What’s the matter?
DON JOHN [To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be married
to-morrow?
DON PEDRO You know he does.
DON JOHN I know not that, when he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
DON JOHN You may think I love you not: let that appear
hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you
well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect
your ensuing marriage;–surely suit ill spent and
labour ill bestowed.
DON PEDRO Why, what’s the matter?
DON JOHN I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
shortened, for she has been too long a talking of,
the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO Who, Hero?
DON PEDRO Even she; Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero:
CLAUDIO Disloyal?
DON JOHN The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I
could say she were worse: think you of a worse
title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall
see her chamber-window entered, even the night
before her wedding-day: if you love her then,
to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour
to change your mind.
CLAUDIO May this be so?
DON PEDRO I will not think it.
DON JOHN If you dare not trust that you see, confess not
that you know: if you will follow me, I will show
you enough; and when you have seen more and heard
more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry
her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should
wed, there will I shame her.
DON PEDRO And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN I will disparage her no farther till you are my
witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and
let the issue show itself.
DON PEDRO O day untowardly turned!
CLAUDIO O mischief strangely thwarting!
DON JOHN O plague right well prevented! so will you say when
you have seen the sequel.
Exeunt
Scene 3
A street.
Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch
DOGBERRY Are you good men and true?
VERGES Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.
DOGBERRY Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
they should have any allegiance in them, being
chosen for the prince’s watch.
VERGES Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
DOGBERRY First, who think you the most desertless man to be
constable?
First Watchman Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can
write and read.
DOGBERRY Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed
you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is
the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.
Second Watchman Both which, master constable,–
DOGBERRY You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make
no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
let that appear when there is no need of such
vanity. You are thought here to be the most
senseless and fit man for the constable of the
watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your
charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are
to bid any man stand, in the prince’s name.
Second Watchman How if a’ will not stand?
DOGBERRY Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and
presently call the rest of the watch together and
thank God you are rid of a knave.
VERGES If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
of the prince’s subjects.
DOGBERRY True, and they are to meddle with none but the
prince’s subjects. You shall also make no noise in
the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to
talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.
Watchman We will rather sleep than talk: we know what
belongs to a watch.
DOGBERRY Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should
offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
stolen. Well, you are to call at all the
ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.
Watchman How if they will not?
DOGBERRY Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if
they make you not then the better answer, you may
say they are not the men you took them for.
Watchman Well, sir.
DOGBERRY If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
why the more is for your honesty.
Watchman If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay
hands on him?
DOGBERRY Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they
that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable
way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him
show himself what he is and steal out of your company.
VERGES You have been always called a merciful man, partner.
DOGBERRY Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more
a man who hath any honesty in him.
VERGES If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call
to the nurse and bid her still it.
Watchman How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
DOGBERRY Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake
her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her
lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.
VERGES ‘Tis very true.
DOGBERRY This is the end of the charge:–you, constable, are
to present the prince’s own person: if you meet the
prince in the night, you may stay him.