‘We should go to bed,’ I said, massaging his shoulders. ‘We’re both tired, and everything seems worse when we’re tired, right?’
He smiled a little and closed his eyes as I worked on his temples and kissed the back of his neck.
‘How much do you charge per hour?’ he muttered.
‘You can’t afford me,’ I said.
We did not sleep together because the rooms were small and both of us needed rest. I liked my shower in the morning and he liked his, and that was the difference between being new with each other versus comfortable. There had been a time when we stayed up all night consuming each other, because we worked together and he was married and we could not help our hunger. I missed feeling that alive. Often when we were with each other now, my heart was dull or felt sweet pain, and I saw myself getting old.
The skies were gray and the streets were wet from washing when Benton and I drove through downtown on Walnut Street a little past seven the following morning. Steam rose from grates and manholes, the morning damp and cool. The homeless slept on sidewalks or beneath filthy blankets in parks, and one man looked dead beneath a No Loitering sign across from the police department. I drove while Benton went through his briefcase. He took notes on a yellow legal pad and thought about matters beyond my ken. I turned onto Interstate 76 West, where taillights were strung like red glass beads as far ahead as I could see, and the sun behind us was bright.
‘Why would someone pick a bathroom as a point of origin?’ I asked. ‘Why not some other area of the house?’
‘Obviously, it means something to him, if we’re talking about serial crimes,’ he said, flipping a page. ‘Symbolic, perhaps. Maybe convenient for some other reason. My guess is that if we’re dealing with the same offender, and the bathroom is the point of origin that all of the fires have in common, then it is symbolic. Represents something to him, perhaps his own point of origin for his crimes. If something happened to him in a bathroom when he was a young child, for example. Sexual abuse, child abuse, witnessing something terribly traumatic.’
‘Too bad we can’t search prison records for that.’
‘Problem is, you’d come up with half the prison population. Most of these people come from abuse. Then they do unto others.’
‘They do worse unto others,’ I said. ‘They weren’t murdered.’
‘They were, in a sense. When you are beaten and raped as a child, your life is murdered even if your body isn’t. Not that any of this really explains psychopathy. Nothing I know of does, unless you believe in evil and that people make choices.’
‘That’s exactly what I believe.’
He looked over at me and said, ‘I know.’
‘What about Carrie’s childhood? How much do we know about why she’s made the choices she has?’ I asked.
‘She would never let us interview her,’ he reminded me. ‘There isn’t much in her psychiatric evaluations, except whatever her manipulation of the moment was. Crazy today, not tomorrow. Disassociating. Depressed and noncompliant. Or a model patient. These squirrels have more civil rights than we do, Kay. And prisons and forensic psychiatric centers are often so protective of their wards that you would think we’re the bad guys.’
The morning was getting lighter and the sky was streaked violet and white in perfect horizontal bands. We drove through farmland and intermittent cliffs of pink granite corrugated with drill holes from the dynamite that had blasted in the roads. Mist rising from ponds reminded me of pots of simmering water, and when we passed tall smokestacks with steamy plumes, I thought of fire. In the distance, mountains were a shadow, and water towers dotted the horizon like bright balloons.
It took an hour to reach Lehigh Valley Hospital, a sprawling concrete complex still under construction, with a helicopter hangar and level one trauma center. I parked in a visitor’s lot, and Dr Abraham Gerde met us inside the bright, new lobby.
‘Kay,’ he said warmly, shaking my hand. ‘Who would have ever thought you’d be visiting me here some day? And you must be Benton? We have a very good cafeteria here if you’d like coffee or something to eat first?’