Roger Zelazny. A Rose for Ecclesiastes
Roger Zelazny. A Rose for Ecclesiastes
I
I was busy translating one of my _Madrigals Macabre_ into Martian on the morning I was found acceptable. The intercom had buzzed briefly, and I dropped my pencil and flipped on the toggle in a single motion. “Mister G,” piped Morton’s youthful contralto, “the old man says I should `get hold of that damned conceited rhymer` right away, and send him to his cabin. Since there’s only one damned conceited rhymer…” “Let not ambition mock thy useful toil.” I cut him off. So, the Martians had finally made up their minds! I knocked an inch and a half of ash from a smoldering butt, and took my first drag since I had lit it. The entire month’s anticipation tried hard to crowd itself into the moment, but could not quite make it. I was frightened to walk those forty feet and hear Emory say the words I already knew he would say; and that feeling elbowed the other one into the background. So I finished the stanza I was translating before I got up. It took only a moment to reach Emory’s door. I knocked twice and opened it, just as he growled, “Come in.” “You wanted to see me?” I sat down quickly to save him the trouble of offering me a seat. “That was fast. What did you do, run?” I regarded his paternal discontent: _Little fatty flecks beneath pale eyes, thinning hair, and an Irish nose; a voice a decibel louder than anyone else’s….._ Hamlet to Claudius: “I was working.” “Hah!” he snorted. “Come off it. No one’s ever seen you do any of that stuff.” I shrugged my shoulders and started to rise. “If that’s what you called me down here–” “Sit down!” He stood up. He walked around his desk. He hovered above me and glared down. (A hard trick, even when I’m in a low chair.) “You are undoubtably the most antagonistic bastard I’ve ever had to work with!” he bellowed, like a belly-stung buffalo. “Why the hell don’t you act like a human being sometime and surprise everybody? I’m willing to admit you’re smart, maybe even a genius, but–oh, hell!” He made a heaving gesture with both hands and walked back to his chair. “Betty has finally talked them into letting you go in.” His voice was normal again. “They’ll receive you this afternoon. Draw one of the jeepsters after lunch, and get down there.” “Okay,” I said. “That’s all, then.” I nodded, got to my feet. My hand was on the doorknob when he said: “I don’t have to tell you how important this is. Don’t treat them the way you treat us.” I closed the door behind me.
I don’t remember what I had for lunch. I was nervous, but I knew instinctively that I wouldn’t muff it. My Boston publishers expected a Martian Idyll, or at least a Saint-Exupery job on space flight. The National Science Association wanted a complete report on the Rise and Fall of the Martian Empire. They would both be pleased. I knew. That’s the reason everyone is jealous–why they hate me. I always come through, and I can come through better than anyone else. I shoveled in a final anthill of slop, and made my way to our car barn. I drew one jeepster and headed it toward Tirellian. Flames of sand, lousy with iron oxide, set fire to the buggy. They swarmed over the open top and bit through my scarf; they set to work pitting my goggles. The jeepster, swaying and panting like a little donkey I once rode through the Himalayas, kept kicking me in the seat of the pants. The Mountains of Tirellian shuffled their feet and moved toward me at a cockeyed angle. Suddenly I was heading uphill, and I shifted gears to accommodate the engine’s braying. Not like Gobi, not like the Great Southwestern Desert, I mused. Just red, just dead…without even a cactus. I reached the crest of the hill, but I had raised too much dust to see what was ahead. It didn’t matter, though; I have a head full of maps. I bore to the left and downhill, adjusting the throttle. A crosswind and solid ground beat down the fires. I felt like Ulysses in Malebolge–with a terza-rima speech in one hand and an eye out for Dante. I rounded a rock pagoda and arrived. Betty waved as I crunched to a halt, then jumped down. “Hi,” I choked, unwinding my scarf and shaking out a pound and a half of grit. “Like, where do I go and who do I see?” She permitted herself a brief Germanic giggle–more at my starting a sentence with “like” than at my discomfort–then she started talking. (She is a top linguist, so a word from the Village Idiom still tickles her!) I appreciate her precise, furry talk; informational, and all that. I had enough in the way of social pleasantries before me to last at least the rest of my life. I looked at her chocolate-bar eyes and perfect teeth, at her sun-bleached hair, close-cropped to the head (I hate blondes!), and decided that she was in love with me. “Mr. Gallinger, the Matriarch is waiting inside for you to be introduced. She has consented to open the Temple records for your study.” She paused here to pat her hair and squirm a little. Did my gaze make her nervous? “They are religious documents, as well as their only history,” she continued, “sort of like the Mahabharata. She expects you to observe certain rituals in handling them, like repeating the sacred words when you turn pages–she will teach you the system.” I nodded quickly, several times. “Fine, let’s go in.” “Uh–” She paused. “Do not forget their Eleven Forms of Politeness and Degree. They take matters of form quite seriously–and do not get into any discussions over the equality of the sexes–” “I know all about their taboos,” I broke in. “Don’t worry. I’ve lived in the Orient, remember?” She dropped her eyes and seized my hand. I almost jerked it away. “It will look better if I enter leading you.” I swallowed my comments, and followed her, like Samson in Gaza.