“She came out to be an actress and ended up waiting tables.”
“Poor thing,” she said. “Poor, poor thing. . . . Does her family know about me?”
“I told the father someone had a distant memory of a girl who resembled his daughter being abducted.”
“How did he take that?”
“He hopes something will come of it.”
“What’s he like?”
“He’s a minister. Seems nice.”
“Does he want to meet me?”
“At some point,” I said. “If we learn more.”
“So he hasn’t given up on finding her?”
“He’s not doing anything active anymore.”
“No, of course not—all these years. What about right after it happened?”
“He mounted an intensive search.”
“He loves her,” she said flatly. “A minister. Which church?”
“It’s a group that feeds the poor.”
“A good man—maybe I can help him. Can you hypnotize me or something? I’ve heard that can unlock memories. I’m sure I’d be an easy subject. Sometimes I feel as if I’m walking around in a trance anyway.”
She gave an angry, nervous laugh.
“When I hooked for Raymond, I used to trance out all the time—see how tough I am? I haven’t repressed any of that. I even told Milo. The slate is clear. So let’s get into my head. I want to get rid of all the garbage.”
“Hypnosis isn’t just something you jump into, Lucy.”
“It’s dangerous?”
“Not when done with a properly prepared patient.”
“You’re worried about my mental stability?”
“I’m concerned about your stress level.”
She sat back, as if studying me. “Tell me honestly. Do you think I tried to kill myself?”
“I really don’t know, Lucy. Ken saw you with your head in that oven.”
“Okay, it was there,” she said. “I’m not going to deny reality. But the phone calls, the undies, the note—I know it sounds paranoid, but all that happened. I didn’t put those horrible rat things there. Tell me you believe that.”
I nodded.
She said, “Maybe one of those crazy girls is out to get me. Or some other nut, who knows? I’m even willing to consider the possibility that I did it while I was sleepwalking—like the first time I ended up on the kitchen floor. But I wouldn’t willfully try to kill myself. Life means too much to me, and killing myself would be giving in to him. Confirming his preconception that we’re all weak and useless. That’s what he told Puck every time Puck came to him. We were weak, spineless, useless. Banal. I’d never do myself in, give him the satisfaction. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
A distant look came into her eyes. “Sleepwalking. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure that has to be the key. From the beginning. I must have gotten up in the middle of the night and left that cabin and seen something . . . sex and violence, just like you said. I can’t put it in words, but that feels right—there’s an internal logic.” She smiled and exhaled. “It’s good you told me about all this. I won’t disappoint you and misuse it. You’ve really helped me today, Dr. Delaware.”
I nodded.
“Not that it’s easy,” she went on. “I’m still shaking inside.” Touching her belly. “But things are finally starting to make sense. Viscerally.”
She touched my arm.
“Keep helping me. Please. Help me get into my head and find out the truth. Help me get back in control.”
CHAPTER
21
A hummingbird shot up in the air, a tiny rocket. A gardener’s air gun blasted from somewhere down the block.
Her eyes were fixed on me.
“I’ll help you any way I can, Lucy.”
“What about hypnosis?”
“Right now?”
“Yes. I feel ready. I don’t even care if it works, just that I tried my best. If I don’t do something, I’ll just sit around here feeling helpless. So much has come down on me.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t want to jump into anything.”
“I understand,” she said. “But if hypnosis could help clarify things, wouldn’t that help unload me?”
“What do you know about hypnosis?”
“Not much—I mean, I saw stage shows in college but they were rather silly, people quacking like ducks. I have heard that when you go under in therapy sometimes you can unlock memories.”