Sue Grafton – “M” Is for Malice

The run itself was unsatisfactory. The dawn was overcast, the sky a brooding gray unrelieved by any visible sunrise. Gradually, daylight overtook the lowering dark, but the whole of it had the bleached look of an old black-and-white photograph. My gait felt choppy and I never really hit my stride. The air was so chilly I couldn’t even generate a decent sweat. I dutifully counted off the miles, feeling gratified to be doing it in spite of myself. Some days the discipline is an end in itself, a way of asserting the will in the face of life’s little setbacks. I walked the half block home, carefully brushing aside any slovenly sentiment.

Dietz was sitting at the counter when I got in. He’d put on a pot of coffee and set out my cereal bowl. His bowl was already washed, rinsed, and drying in the dish rack. His suitcase, fully zipped, was waiting by the door along with his garment bag. Through the open bathroom door, I could see he’d tidied the basin of all his personal possessions. The scent of soap mingled with his aftershave, a damp male perfume permeating everything.

“I thought it might be easier if I took off,” he said.

“Sure, no problem. I hope you’re not doing it on my account.”

“No, no. You know me. I’m not that good at staying put,” he said. “Anyway, you probably have a lot of work to do.”

“Oh, tons,” I said. “You’re heading up to Santa Cruz?”

“Eventually, yes. I’ll drive on up the coast, maybe spend a day in Cambria. With this knee, I have to break up the trip, anyway. You know, get out and stretch every hour or so. Keep it warm and loose. Otherwise, it locks up.”

“What time are you taking off?”

“Whenever you leave for work.”

“Well, great. I’ll just grab a shower then and you can hit the road.”

“Take your time. I’m in no hurry,” he said.

“I can see that,” I remarked, as I headed up to the loft. This time he didn’t ask if I was mad. This was good because, in truth, I was furious. Under the fury was the old familiar pain. Why does everyone end up leaving me? What did I ever do to them? I went through my morning routine as efficiently as possible, flung on my clothes, and ate my cereal without pausing to read the paper. To demonstrate my indifference to his abrupt departure, I took out fresh sheets and asked him to help me remake the sofa bed. I hoped the implication was that some other guy was lined up for bed space as soon as he left. Neither of us said much and what we said was transactional. “Where’s the other pillowcase?” About like that.

Once the sofa was redone, he took his suitcase to the car and came back for the garment bag. I walked him out to the curb and we exchanged one of those insincere kisses with the sound effects attached. Mmch! He fired up his Porsche and I dutifully waved as he roared off down the street. You little shit, I thought.

I went into the office, ignoring a faint tendency to tear up for no reason. The day yawned in front of me like a sinkhole in the street. This was just what it felt like when he left before. Now how does this happen to someone of my rare spunk and independence? I play a few rounds of solitaire, paid some bills, and balanced my checkbook. Anxiety whispered in my gut like a stomachache. When the phone finally rang just before lunch, I snatched up the receiver, absurdly grateful at the interruption.

“Kinsey. This is Donovan. How are you?”

“Gee, I’m just fine. How are you?”

“Well enough. Uh, listen, we got your message and we’d like to compliment you on a job well done. Tasha had to fly back to San Francisco this morning, but she said she didn’t think you’d mind giving us the information firsthand. Could you stop by the house for a drink late this afternoon?”

“Well, sure. I could do that. I was going to type up my report and put it in the mail, but I can give you a rundown in person if you’d prefer.”

“I’d appreciate that. I expect Jack and Bennet will want to be there as well. That way, if they have questions, you can fill us all in at the same time and save yourself the repetition. Would five-thirty be convenient?”

“Fine with me,” I said.

“Good. We’ll look forward to seeing you.”

After I hung up, I could feel myself shrug. I had nothing against an informal report as long as I didn’t somehow get sucked into the family drama. Aside from Guy, I wasn’t crazy about the Malek brothers. I happened to believe Guy had changed his wicked ways, so maybe I could do him a service and convince the others Not that it was any of my business how the monies were distributed, but if there were any lingering questions about his “worthiness,” I certainly had an opinion Besides, with Dietz now gone, I didn’t have anything better to do.

I skipped lunch and spent the afternoon cleaning my office. Lonnie Kingman had a maintenance crew that serviced the premises weekly on Friday afternoons, but it felt therapeutic to get in there and scrub. I even spent twenty minutes dusting the artificial fichus plant someone had once mistaken for real. The space I occupied had originally been a conference room with a full “executive” bathroom attached. I found a plastic bucket, sponges, cleansers, a toilet brush, and mop and entertained myself mightily killing imaginary germs. My method of coping with depression is to take on chores so obnoxious and disgusting that reality seems pleasant by comparison. By three o’clock, I smelled of sweat and household bleach and I’d forgotten what I was so unhappy about. Well, actually, I remembered, but I didn’t give a shit.

Having sanitized the suite, I locked the door, stripped off my clothes, hopped in the executive shower, and scrubbed myself. I dressed again in the same jeans, pulling on a fresh turtleneck from the ready supply I keep handy for sudden travel. What’s life without a toothbrush and clean underpants? I typed up the official version of my encounter with Guy Malek, tucking one copy in my office files, another in my handbag. The third I addressed to Tasha Howard at her San Francisco office. The end. Finito. Done, done, done. This was the last job I’d ever take from her.

By 5:25, dressed in my best (and only) wool tweed blazer, I drove through the entrance to the Malek estate. It was close to dark by then, the winter shortened days still characterized by early twilights. My headlights swept in a forlorn arc across the stucco wall surrounding the fifteen-acre property. Along the rim of the wall, three strands of rusted barbed wire had been strung years ago, broken now in places and looking singularly ineffective. Who knows what intruders were anticipated back then? A chilly wind had picked up and the darkened treetops swayed and shivered, whispering together about things unseen. There were lights on in the house, two upstairs windows illuminated in pale yellow where much of the first floor was dark.

The housekeeper had neglected to turn on the outside lights. I parked in the turnaround and picked my way across the cobblestone courtyard to the shadowy portico that sheltered the entranceway in front. I rang the bell and waited, crossing my arms for warmth. The porch light was finally flipped on and Myrna opened the door a crack.

“Hi, Myrna. Kinsey Millhone. I was here the other day. Donovan invited me for drinks.”

Myrna didn’t exactly break into song at the news. Apparently, advanced classes in Housekeeper’s Training School cautioned the students not to give expression to sudden bursts of joy. In the two days since I’d seen her last, she’d renewed the dye job on her hair and the whole of it was now a white blond that looked like it would be cold to the touch. Her uniform consisted of a gray top worn over matching gray pants. I would have bet money the waistband was unbuttoned underneath the tunic. “This way,” she said. Her crepe-soled shoes squeaked slightly on the polished parquet floor.

A woman called down from somewhere above our heads. “Myrna? Was that the front door? We’re expecting someone for drinks.” I glanced up, following the sound of her voice. A brunette in her late thirties was leaning on the stair rail above our heads. She caught sight of me and brightened. “Oh, hi. You must be Kinsey. You want to come on up?”

Myrna veered off without another word, disappearing into the rear of the house as I climbed the stairs.

Christie held out her hand when I reached the upper landing. “I’m Christie Malek. Nice to meet you,” she said as we shook hands. “I take it you’ve met Myrna.”

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