Sue Grafton – “M” Is for Malice

“Watch the f word. Ladies present,” Jack said in a singsong tone.

“Shut up, you little piss. No one’s talking to you!”

Christie cast a look in my direction and then raised a hand, saying, “Hey, fellas. Couldn’t we postpone this until later? Kinsey doesn’t want to sit here and listen to this. We asked her to have a drink, not a ringside seat.”

I took my cue from her and used the opportunity to get to my feet. “I think I should leave you alone to discuss this, but I really don’t think you need to worry about Guy. He seems like a nice man. That’s the bottom line from my perspective. I hope everything works out.”

A paragraph of awkward verbiage ensued: apologies for the outburst, hasty explanations of the strain everyone was under in the wake of Bader’s death. Personally, I thought they were a bunch of ill-mannered louts and if my bill had been paid I might have told them as much. As it was, they assured me no offense was intended and I assured them, in turn, that none had been taken. I can fib with the best of them when there’s money at stake. We shook hands all around. I was thanked for my time. I thanked them for the drink and took my leave of them.

“I’ll walk out with you,” Christie said.

There was a moment of quiet as we left the living room. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until the door closed behind us and I could suck in some fresh air.

“Let me grab a jacket,” Christie said as we crossed the foyer. She made a detour to the closet, pulling on a dark wool car coat as we passed into the night air.

The temperature had dropped and a dampness seemed to rise up from the cobblestones. The exterior lights were now on, but the illumination was poor. I could see the dim shape of my car, parked on the far side of the courtyard, and we headed in that direction. The lighted front windows threw truncated panels of yellow on the driveway in front of us. In the living room, the three Malek brothers were more than likely engaged in fisticuffs by now.

“Thanks for getting me out of there.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that. What a zoo,” she said. She shoved her hands in her pockets. “That goes on all the time and it drives me insane. It’s like living in the middle of a giant preschool free-for-all. They’re all three years old. They’re still slugging it out over the same toy truck. The tension in this house is unreal half the time.”

“Bennet’s drinking doesn’t help.”

“It’s not just that. I came into the marriage thinking I was going to be part of a loving family. I never had any brothers and I thought the idea was keen. They seemed close at first. I mean, they sure fooled me. I guess I should have figured out that three grown men still living together under Daddy’s roof didn’t exactly speak of mental health, but what did I know? My family’s so screwed up, I wouldn’t know a healthy one if it leapt up and bit me. I wanted kids. Looks like I got ’em,” she remarked in a wry aside. “I hate sitting around watching these ‘boys’ bicker and connive. You ought to see them operate. They fight over absolutely everything. Anything that comes up, they all instantly take the most disparate positions possible. Then they all take sides and form these temporary coalitions. It’ll be Donovan and Jack against Bennet one day. The next day, Bennet and Jack forma team against Donovan. The allegiances vary according to the subject matter, but there’s never accord. There’s never any sense of all for one and one for all. Everybody wants to be right-morally superior-and at the same time, everybody feels completely misunderstood.”

“Makes me glad to be an orphan.”

“I’m with you on that one.” She paused with a smile. “Or maybe I’m just annoyed because none of them are ever on my side. I live with a perpetual stomachache.”

“You don’t have any kids?”

“Not yet. I keep trying, but of course I can’t seem to get pregnant in this atmosphere. I’m coming up on forty so if something doesn’t happen soon, it’s going to be too late.”

“I thought women were having babies into their fifties these days.”

“Not me. Forget it. Life’s hard enough as it is. I mean, what kid would volunteer to come into a house like this? It’s disgusting.”

“Why do you stay?”

“Who says I’ll stay? I told Donovan last fall, I said, ‘One more round, buddy, and I’m outta here.’ So what happens next? Bader up and dies. I don’t feel I can walk out when things are such a mess. Also, I suppose I still harbor the dim hope that things’ll work out somehow.”

“I’m sure my finding Guy couldn’t be a help,” I said.

“I don’t know about that. At least now maybe the three of them will gang up against him. In the end, that might be the only issue they agree on.”

I glanced toward the lighted windows of the living room. “You call that ‘agreement’?”

“Oh, they’ll get around to it. There’s nothing like the common enemy to unify the troops. The truth is, Guy’s the one I feel sorry for. They’ll take him to the cleaners if they have half a chance and from what you say, he’s the best of the lot.”

“Donovan seems okay,” I said.

“Ha. That’s what I thought, too. He puts up a good front, but that’s all that is. He’s learned how to function in the business world so he’s got a little more polish. I’m sure nobody said so, but I know they were impressed with the job you did.”

“Well, I appreciate that, but at this point, these people don’t need a PI-”

“They need a referee,” she laughed. “Tasha didn’t do you any favors when she got you involved in this. I’m sorry you had to see ’em at their worst. Then again, at least you can appreciate what I have to live with.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s finished business,” I said.

We said our good-nights and I slid in behind the wheel, taking a few minutes to get my car warmed up. The residual tension had left me feeling icy cold and I drove home with the VW heater level’ pulled to maximum effect. This consisted of a thin tongue of warm air licking at the bottoms of my shoes. The rest of me was freezing, a cotton turtleneck and wool blazer providing little in the way of insulation. As I turned onto my street, I gave brief consideration to having dinner up at Rosie’s. I hadn’t managed to eat so much as an unpitted olive at the Maleks’ during the cocktail hour. I’d pictured sumptuous canapés that I could chow down instead of dinner, but the uproar had made even the Cheez Whiz seem less than appetizing. At the back of my mind, I knew I was avoiding the idea of going home to an empty apartment. Better now than later. It was only going to get worse.

I parked my car close to the corner and hoofed my way back to Henry’s driveway. A dense fog had begun to blow in from the beach and I was heartened by the fact that I’d left a light on in my living room. At least letting myself in wouldn’t feel so much like breaking and entering. I passed through the squeaky gate with my house key at the ready, unlocked my, door, and tossed my handbag on the kitchen counter. I heard the downstairs’ toilet flush and a thrill of fear washed over me. Then the bathroom door opened and Robert Dietz walked out, looking as startled as I was. “I didn’t hear you come in,” he said. “I forgot to give back your key.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you left.”

“I got as far as Santa Maria and had to come back. I was halfway down the street and I missed you like crazy. I don’t want us leaving each other on a bad note.”

I felt a pain in my chest, something fragile and sharp that made me take a deep breath. “I don’t see a way to resolve our basic differences.”

“We can be friends without resolution. I mean, can’t we?”

“How do I know?” I tried to shut down, but I couldn’t quite manage it. I had an inexplicable urge to weep about something. Usually good-byes do that, tender partings in movies accompanied by music guaranteed to rip your heart out. The silence between us was just as painful to me.

“Have you had dinner?”

“I hadn’t decided about that yet. I just had drinks with the Maleks,” I said faintly. The words sounded odd and I wanted to pat myself on the chest as a way of consoling myself. I could have handled the situation if only he hadn’t come back. The day had been hard, but I’d survived it.

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