It hovered in front of a huge, pointed rock for a moment and then, as if reaching a decision, shot up again into the sky.
The continent rolled below it as it returned. The light hit the waterhole without a splash but, once again, three or four ripples in something spread oui across the turbid water and the surrounding sand.
Night rolled in again. But there was a distant thumping under the ground. Bushes trembled. In the trees, birds awoke and flew away.
After a while, on a rock face near the waterhole, pale white lines began to form a picture.
Rincewind had attracted the attention of at least one other watcher apart from whatever it was that dwelt in the waterhole.
Death had taken to keeping Rincewind’s lifetimer on a special shelf in his study, in much the way that a zoologist would want to keep an eye on a particularly intriguing specimen.
The lifetimers of most people were the classic shape that Death thought was right and proper for the task. They appeared to be large eggtimers, although, since the sands they measured were the living seconds of someone’s life, all the eggs were in one basket.
Rincewind’s hourglass looked like something created by a glassblower who’d had the hiccups in a time machine. According to the amount of actual sand it contained – and Death was pretty good at making this kind of estimate – he should have died long ago. But strange curves and bends and extrusions of glass had developed over the years, and quite often the sand was flowing backwards, or diagonally. Clearly, Rincewind had been hit by so much magic, had been thrust reluctantly through time and space so often that he’d nearly bumped into himself coming the other way, that the precise end of his life was now as hard to find as the starting point on a roll of really sticky transparent tape.
Death was familiar with the concept of the eternal, ever-renewed hero, the champion with a thousand faces. He’d refrained from commenting. He met heroes frequently, generally surrounded by, and this was important, the dead bodies of very nearly all their enemies and saying, ‘Vot the hell shust happened?’ Whether there was some arrangement that allowed them to come back again afterwards was not something he would be drawn on.
But he pondered whether, if this creature did exist, it was somehow balanced by the eternal coward. The hero with a thousand retreating backs, perhaps. Many cultures had a legend of an undying hero who would one day rise again, so perhaps the balance of nature called for one who wouldn’t.
Whatever the ultimate truth of the matter, the fact now was that Death did not have the slightest idea of when Rincewind was going to die. This was very vexing to a creature who prided himself on his punctuality.
Death glided across the velvet emptiness of his study until he reached the model of the Discworld, if indeed it was a model.
Eyeless sockets looked down.
SHOW, he said.
The precious metals and stones faded. Death saw ocean currents, deserts, forests, drifting cloudscapes like albino buffalo herds . . .
SHOW.
The eye of observation curved and dived into the living map, and a reddish splash grew in an expanse of turbulent sea. Ancient mountain ranges slipped past, deserts of rock and sand glided away.
SHOW.
Death watched the sleeping figure of Rincewind. Occasionally its legs would jerk.
HMM.
Death felt something crawling up the back of his robe, pause for a minute on his shoulder, and leap. A small rodent skeleton in a black robe landed in the middle of the image and started flailing madly at it with his tiny scythe, squeaking excitedly.
Death picked up the Death of Rats by his cowl and held him up for inspection.
NO, WE DON’T DO IT THAT WAY.
The Death of Rats struggled madly. SQUEAK?
BECAUSE IT’S AGAINST THE RULES, said Death. NATURE MUST TAKE ITS COURSE.
He glanced down at the image again as if a thought had struck him, and lowered the Death of Rats to the floor. Then he went to the wall and pulled a cord. Far away, a bell tolled.
After a while an elderly man entered, carrying a tray.
‘Sorry about that, master. I was cleaning the bath.’
I BEG YOUR PARDON, ALBERT?
‘I mean, that’s why I was late with your tea, sir,’ said Albert.
THAT IS OF NO CONSEQUENCE. TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THIS PLACE?
Death’s finger tapped the red continent. His manservant looked closely.
‘Oh, there,’ he said. ‘ “Terror Incognita” we called it when I was alive, master. Never went there myself. It’s the currents, you know. Many a poor sailorman has washed up on them fatal shores rather than get carried right over the Rim, and regretted it, I expect. Dry as a statue’s ti— Very dry, master, or so they say. And hotter’n a demon’s joe— Very hot, too. But you must’ve been there yourself?’
OH, YES. BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WHEN YOU’RE THERE ON BUSINESS AND THERE’S HARDLY ANY TIME TO SEE THE COUNTRY . . .
Death pointed to the great spiral of clouds that turned slowly around the continent, like jackals warily circling a dying lion which looked done for but which might yet be capable of one last bite.
VERY STRANGE, he said. A PERMANENT ANTI-CYCLONE. AND INSIDE, A HUGE, CALM LAND, THAT NEVER SEES A STORM. AND NEVER HAS A DROP OF RAIN.
‘Good place for a holiday, then.’
COME WITH ME.
The two of them, trailed by the Death of Rats, walked into Death’s huge library. There were clouds here, up near the ceiling.
Death held out a hand, I WANT, he said, A BOOK ABOUT THE DANGEROUS CREATURES OF FOURECKS—
Albert looked up and dived for cover, receiving only mild bruising because he had the foresight to curl into a ball.
After a while Death, his voice a little muffled, said: ALBERT, I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL IF YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND HERE.
Albert scrambled up and pulled at some of the huge volumes, finally dislodging enough of them to allow his master to clamber free.
HMM . . . Death picked up a book at random and read the cover.
DANGEROUS MAMMALS, REPTILES, AMPHIBIANS, BIRDS, FISH, JELLYFISH, INSECTS, SPIDERS, CRUSTACEANS, GRASSES, TREES, MOSSES, AND LICHENS OF TERROR INCOGNITA, he read. His gaze moved down the spine. VOLUME 29C, he added. OH. PART THREE, I SEE.
He glanced up at the listening shelves. POSSIBLY IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF I ASKED FOR A LIST OF THE HARMLESS CREATURES OF THE AFORESAID CONTINENT?
They waited.
IT WOULD APPEAR THAT—
‘No, wait, master. Here it comes.’
Albert pointed to something white zigzagging lazily through the air. Finally Death reached up and caught the single sheet of paper.
He read it carefully and then turned it over briefly just in case anything was written on the other side.
‘May I?’ said Albert. Death handed him the paper.
‘ “Some of the sheep,” ‘ Albert read aloud. ‘Oh, well. Maybe a week at the seaside’d be better, then.’
WHAT AN INTRIGUING PLACE, said Death. SADDLE UP THE HORSE, ALBERT. I FEEL SURE I’M GOING TO BE NEEDED.
SQUEAK, said the Death of Rats.
PARDON?
‘He said, “No worries,” master,’ said Albert.
I CAN’T IMAGINE WHY.
Four huge blooms of silence rolled over the city as Old Tom so emphatically did not strike the hour.
Several servants rumbled a trolley along the corridor. The Archchancellor had given in. An early breakfast was on the way.
Ridcully lowered his tape measure.
‘Let’s try that again, shall we?’ he said. He stepped out of the window and picked a seashell out of the sand. It was warm from the sun. Then he pulled himself back into the bathroom and walked around to a door beside the window.
It led to a dank, moss-grown light well, which allowed second-hand and grubby daylight into these dismal floors. Even the snow hadn’t managed to get more than a brushing of flakes down this far.
The window on this side glimmered in the light from the doorway like a pool of very black oil.
‘Okay, Dean,’ he said. Tush your staff through. Now waggle it about.’
The wizards looked at the gently rippling surface. There should have been several feet of solid wood sticking out of it.
‘Well, well, well,’ said the Archchancellor, going back in out of the cold air. ‘Do you know, I’ve never actually seen one of these?’
‘Anyone remember Archchancellor Bewdley’s boots?’ said the Senior Wrangler, helping himself to some cold mutton from the trolley. ‘He made a mistake and got one of the things opened up in the left boot. Very tricky. You can’t go walking around with one foot in another dimension.’
‘Well, no . . .’ said Ridcully, staring at the tropical scene and tapping his chin thoughtfully with the seashell.