“What would that be?” I felt him look at me.
“I’m not sure,” I said, superstitious that naming the worst might somehow manifest it. He fell silent and I wondered if he was thinking about the man who had been my lover and his best friend. When Mark had been killed in London several years before, I had believed there could be no pain worse than that. Now I feared I was wrong. Wesley said, “You never answered my question, Kay.”
“I told you I wasn’t sure.”
“Not that question. I’m talking about Marino now. I asked you what his problem is.”
“I think he’s very unhappy,” I answered.
“He’s always been unhappy.”
“I said very.” He waited.
“Marino doesn’t like change,” I added.
“His promotion?”
“That and what’s going on with me.”
“Which is?” Wesley poured more Scotch into our glasses, his arm brushing against me.
“My position with your unit is a significant change.” He did not agree or disagree but waited for me to say more.
“I think he somehow perceives that I’ve shifted my alliances.” I realized I was getting only more vague.
“And that is unsettling. Unsettling for Marino, I mean. ” Still, Wesley offered no opinion, ice cubes softly rattling as he sipped his drink. We both knew very well what part of Marino’s problem was, but it was nothing that Wesley and I had done. Rather, it was something Marino sensed.
“It’s my opinion that Marino’s very frustrated with his personal life,” Wesley said.
“He’s lonely.”
“I believe both of those things are true,” I said.
“You know, he was with Doris for thirty-some years and then suddenly finds himself single again. He’s clueless, has no idea how to go about it.”
“Nor has he ever really dealt with her leaving. It’s stored up. Waiting to be ignited by something unrelated. ”
“I’ve worried about that. I’ve worried about what that something unrelated might be.”
“He still misses her. I believe he still loves her,” I said, and the hour and the alcohol made me feel sad for Marino. I rarely could stay angry with him long. Wesley shifted his position in his chair.
“I guess that would be a ten. At least for me.”
“To have Connie leave you?” I looked over at him.
“To lose someone you’re in love with. To lose a child you’re at war with. To not have closure.” He stared straight ahead, his sharp profile softly backlit by the moon.
“Maybe I’m kidding myself, but I think I could take almost anything as long as there’s resolution, an ending, so I can be free of the past.”
“We are never free of that.”
“I agree that we aren’t entirely.” He continued staring ahead when he next said, “Marino has feelings for you that he can’t handle, Kay. I think he always has.”
“They’re best left unacknowledged.”
“That sounds somewhat cold.”
“I don’t mean it coldly,” I said.
“I would never want him to feel rejected.”
“What makes you assume he doesn’t already feel that way?”
“I’m not assuming he doesn’t.” I sighed.
“In fact, I’m fairly certain he’s feeling pretty frustrated these days.”
“Actually, jealous is the word that comes to mind.”
“Of you.”
“Has he ever tried to ask you out?” Wesley went on as if he had not heard what I just said.
“He took me to the Policeman’s Ball.”
“Umm. That’s pretty serious.”
“Benton, let’s not joke about him.”
“I wasn’t joking,” he said gently.
“I care very much about his feelings and I know you do.” He paused.
“In fact, I understand his feelings very well.”
“I understand them, too.” Wesley set down his drink.
“I guess I should go in and try to get at least a couple hours’ sleep,” I decided without moving. He reached over and placed his good hand on my wrist, his fingers cool from holding his glass.
“Whit will fly me out of here when the sun is up.”
I wanted to take his hand in mine. I wanted to touch his face.
“I’m sorry to leave you.”
“All I need is a car,” I said as my heart beat harder.
“I wonder where you rent one around here. The airport, maybe?”