“Do you take hormones?”
“For what?” It was raining very hard, large drops hammering the roof like a stampeding herd of small animals.
“The change.” Dorothy pulled a plastic bag out of her purse and began nibbling on a gingersnap.
“What change?”
“You know. Hot flashes, moods. I know a woman who started getting them the minute she turned forty. The mind’s a powerful thing.”
I turned on the radio.
“We were offered some dreadful snack, and you know how I get when I don’t eat.” She ate another gingersnap.
“Only twenty-five calories and I allow myself eight a day, so we’ll need to stop and get some. And apples, of course. You’re so lucky. You don’t seem to have to worry about your weight at all, but then I imagine if I did what you do I probably wouldn’t have much of an appetite, either.”
“Dorothy, there’s a treatment center in Rhode Island that I want to talk to you about.” She sighed.
“I’m worried sick about Lucy.”
“It’s a four-week program.”
“I just don’t know if I could stand the thought of her being all the way up there, locked up like that.” She ate another cookie.
“Well, you’re going to have to stand it, Dorothy. This is very serious.”
“I doubt she’ll go. You know how stubborn she can be.” She thought for a minute.
“Well, maybe it would be a good thing.” She sighed again.
“Maybe while she’s there they can fix a few other things.”
“What other things, Dorothy?”
“I might as well tell you that I don’t know what to do about her. I just don’t understand what went wrong, Kay.” She began to cry.
“With all due respect, you can’t imagine what it’s like to have a child turn out this way. Bent like a twig. I don’t know what happened. Certainly, it’s not from any example set at home. I’ll take the blame for some things, but not for this.”
I turned the radio off and looked over at her.
“What are you talking about?” I was struck again by how much I disliked my sister. It made no sense to me that she was my sister, for I failed to find anything in common between us except our mother and memories of once living in the same house.
“I can’t believe you haven’t wondered about it, or maybe to you it somehow seems normal.” Her emotions gathered momentum as our encounter tumbled farther downhill.
“And I’d be less than honest if I didn’t tell you I’ve worried about your influence in that department, Kay, not that I’m judging because certainly your personal life is your own business and some things you can’t help.” She blew her nose as tears flowed and rain fell hard.
“Damn! This is so difficult.”
“Dorothy, for God’s sake. What on earth are you talking about?”
“She watches every goddam thing you do. If you brush your teeth a certain way, you can rest assured she’s going to do the same thing. And for the record I’ve been very understanding when not everybody would. Aunt Kay this and Aunt Kay that. All these years. ”
“Dorothy…”
“Not once have I complained or tried to pry her away from your bosom, so to speak. I’ve always just wanted what’s best for her, and so I indulged her little case of hero worship.”
“Dorothy…”
“You have no idea of the sacrifice.” She blew her nose loudly.
“It wasn’t like it wasn’t bad enough that I was always being compared to you in school, and putting up with Mother’s comments because you were always so fucking perfect at everything.
“I mean, goddam. Cooking, fixing things, taking care of the car, paying the bills. You were just a regular man of the house when we were growing up. And then you became my daughter’s father–if that doesn’t take the cake.”
“Dorothy!” But she would not stop.
“And I can’t compete with that. I certainly can’t be her other I will concede that you’re more of a man than I am. Oh yes. You win the hell out of that one hands down. Dr. Scarpetta, Esquire. I mean, shit. It’s so unfair, and then you get the tits in the family to boot. The man in the family gets the big tits!”