“I know,” Kang said, frowning anxiously. “I have a plan, but he’s got to be drunk as a dwarf. And he’s slurping up that stuff like it was mother’s milk! I’d be out cold for a year if I drank half of what he’s downed.”
The silver sound of an elven trumpet split the air.
Kang and Slith looked at each other and groaned.
“Maybe he didn’t hear it,” Slith said.
A scale-clicking howl sounded from the bunker.
“He heard it,” Kang said.
Tchk’pal surged out of the bunker, dragging along Gloth. The minotaur stood blinking in the early morning sun. Trumpets from across the field sounded. A second later, alarm trumpets from all over the dragonarmy sounded out.
Across the field, the massive army of the Golden General was beginning to form.
“Quick, Slith!” Kang hissed through his teeth. “I’ll distract him. You clonk him on the head!”
Slith dashed off. Out of the corner of his eye, Kang saw his sub-commander pick up a stout tree branch.
“Uh, sir!” Kang yelled, going up to stand in front of Tchk’pal. “The … uh … enemy is approaching.”
So the enemy was, approaching from behind. Slith slipped up behind the minotaur. Using his wings for elevation, the draconian rose slightly into the air and, using the full force of his powerful arms, brought the tree branch crashing down on top of the minotaur’s horned skull.
Tchk’pal blinked, rocked a moment on his feet, lifted a hand to rub his head. Then-glaring balefully-he turned around to face the astounded and trembling Slith.
“What in Sargas’s name do you think you are doing?” The minotaur glowered. “You trying to knock me out?”
“N-n-no, s-s-sir. It’s … it’s …” Slith stammered. “An … an old draconian custom, sir! Right before a battle!” He whipped around and brought the tree branch down on the head of the unsuspecting Gloth.
The draconian toppled like a felled ox.
” ‘Hit by a tree, your sword will swing free,’ ” Kang added desperately. “It’s an old … draconian saying.”
“Really?” Tchk’pal looked interested. “Me enjoy learning new customs.”
He started to reach for the tree branch. Kang and Slith winced and braced themselves for the blow, when they were saved by the trumpet. The enemy trumpet.
Tchk’pal’s ears pricked. “Ah! Battle at last!” he said, and headed toward the ramparts. He halted momentarily when he saw the catapult. “I didn’t order a catapult. Have that thing removed. We won’t be needing any of these sissy siege engines today. We’ll fight those pointy-ears in hand-to-hand combat!”
“Sir, might I point out that it would be better to soften them up first.” Kang made a final attempt. “Use the archers and the ballistae and catapult fire to take out as many as we can before we charge….”
“Bah! You sound like General Nemik. What the matter, lizard? Going yellow on me?” Tchk’pal glared at Kang.
“No, sir,” Kang said evenly. “Uh, sir, are you sure you’re feeling all right?” He looked hopefully at the minotaur. “You seem a little pale around the snout.”
“Never felt better!” Tchk’pal said. “Now, have lizard-boys fall into formation.” He placed his hairy, stinking hand on Kang’s shoulder. “Glory will be ours today! You know, though, draco, me need more apple juice. Me thirsty.”
Kang turned to Slith, who was looking dejected. “Have the regiment form ranks on the battlements, full fighting order. Prepare for hand-to-hand combat.”
Slith muttered something in draconian regarding pot roast, saluted and trotted slowly and halfheartedly down the ramparts. He began shouting orders.
Kang motioned to his other officer. “Gloth, fetch the commander another jug of cider. He has to be in fighting shape and he’s thirsty! Move!”
“We’re about out,” Gloth said in an undertone.
“I’ve got a jug of dwarf spirits under my cot,” said Kang in a low voice. “Add that to it.”
Gloth returned with a mug. The minotaur drank it in one long, deep swallow. When he was done, he wiped his eyes.
“Great Sargas! That’s good,” Tchk’pal said reverently, and hit Kang on the shoulder blades, nearly sending the draconian hurtling over the ramparts.
Catching himself, Kang looked out to where the Golden General’s army was beginning to close ranks. Heavy cavalry formed in front, ready for a charge. Kang had never seen so many elves. He didn’t know there were that many elves in the whole blasted world.