Ma turned from the fire. “Don’ go tellin’, John,” she said. “Tell ’em to God. Don’ go burdenin’ other people with your sins. That ain’t decent.”
“They’re a-eatin’ on me,” said John.
“Well, don’ tell ’em. Go down the river an’ stick your head under an’ whisper ’em in the stream.”
Pa nodded his head slowly at Ma’s words. “She’s right,” he said. “It gives a fella relief to tell, but it jus’ spreads out his sin.”
Uncle John looked up to the sun-gold mountains, and the mountains were reflected in his eyes. “I wisht I could run it down,” he said. “But I can’t. She’s a-bitin’ in my guts.”
Behind him Rose of Sharon moved dizzily out of the tent. “Where’s Connie?” she asked irritably. “I ain’t seen Connie for a long time. Where’d he go?”
“I ain’t seen him,” said Ma. “If I see ‘im, I’ll tell ‘im you want ‘im.”
“I ain’t feelin’ good,” said Rose of Sharon. “Connie shouldn’ of left me.”
Ma looked up to the girl’s swollen face. “You been a-cryin’,” she said.
The tears started freshly in Rose of Sharon’s eyes.
Ma went on firmly, “You git aholt on yaself. They’s a lot of us here. You git aholt on yaself. Come here now an’ peel some potatoes. You’re feelin’ sorry for yaself.”
The girl started to go back in the tent. She tried to avoid Ma’s stern eyes, but they compelled her and she came slowly toward the fire. “He shouldn’ of went away,” she said, but the tears were gone.
“You got to work,” Ma said. “Set in the tent an’ you’ll get feelin’ sorry about yaself. I ain’t had time to take you in han’. I will now. You take this here knife an’ get to them potatoes.”
The girl knelt down and obeyed. She said fiercely, “Wait’ll I see ‘im. I’ll tell ‘im.”
Ma smiled slowly. “He might smack you. You got it comin’ with whinin’ aroun’ an’ candyin’ yaself. If he smacks some sense in you I’ll bless ‘im.” The girl’s eyes blazed with resentment, but she was silent.
Uncle John pushed his rusty nail deep into the ground with his broad thumb. “I got to tell,” he said.
Pa said, “Well, tell then, goddamn it! Who’d ya kill?”
Uncle John dug with his thumbs into the watch pocket of his blue jeans and scooped out a folded dirty bill. He spread it out and showed it. “Fi’ dollars,” he said.
“Steal her?” Pa asked.
“No, I had her. Kept her out.”
“She was yourn, wasn’t she?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t have no right to keep her out.”
“I don’t see much sin in that,” Ma said. “It’s yourn.”
Uncle John said slowly, “It ain’t only the keepin’ her out. I kep’ her out to get drunk. I knowed they was gonna come a time when I got to get drunk, when I’d get to hurtin’ inside so I got to get drunk. Figgered time wasn’ yet, an’ then- the preacher went an’ give ‘imself up to save Tom.”
Pa nodded his head up and down and cocked his head to hear. Ruthie moved closer, like a puppy, crawling up on her elbows, and Winfield followed her. Rose of Sharon dug at a deep eye in a potato with the point of her knife. The evening light deepened and became more blue.
Ma said, in a sharp matter-of-fact tone, “I don’ see why him savin’ Tom got to get you drunk.”
John said sadly, “Can’t say her. I feel awful. He done her so easy. Jus’ stepped up there an’ says, ‘I done her.’ An’ they took ‘im away. An’ I’m a-gonna get drunk.”
Pa still nodded his head. “I don’t see why you got to tell,” he said. “If it was me, I’d jus’ go off an’ get drunk if I had to.”
“Come a time when I could a did somepin an’ took the big sin off my soul,” Uncle John said sadly. “An’ I slipped up. I didn’ jump on her, an’- an’ she got away. Lookie!” he said, “You got the money. Gimme two dollars.”
Pa reached reluctantly into his pocket and brought out the leather pouch. “You ain’t gonna need no seven dollars to get drunk. You don’t need to drink champagny water.”
Uncle John held out his bill. “You take this here an’ gimme two dollars. I can get good an’ drunk for two dollars. I don’ want no sin of waste on me. I’ll spend whatever I got. Always do.”
Pa took the dirty bill and gave Uncle John two silver dollars. “There ya are,” he said. “A fella got to do what he got to do. Nobody don’ know enough to tell ‘im.”
Uncle John took the coins. “You ain’t gonna be mad? You know I got to?”
“Christ, yes,” said Pa. “You know what you got to do.”
“I wouldn’ be able to get through this night no other way,” he said. He turned to Ma. “You ain’t gonna hold her over me?”
Ma didn’t look up. “No,” she said softly. “No- you go ‘long.”
He stood up and walked forlornly away in the evening. He walked up to the concrete highway and across the pavement to the grocery store. In front of the screen door he took off his hat, dropped it into the dust, and ground it with his heel in self-abasement. And he left his black hat there, broken and dirty. He entered the store and walked to the shelves where the whisky bottles stood behind wire netting.
Pa and Ma and the children watched Uncle John move away. Rose of Sharon kept her eyes resentfully on the potatoes.
“Poor John,” Ma said. “I wondered if it would a done any good if- no- I guess not. I never seen a man so drove.”
Ruthie turned on her side in the dust. She put her head close to Winfield’s head and pulled his ear against her mouth. She whispered, “I’m gonna get drunk.” Winfield snorted and pinched his mouth tight. The two children crawled away, holding their breath, their faces purple with the pressure of their giggles. They crawled around the tent and leaped up and ran squealing away from the tent. They ran to the willows, and once concealed, they shrieked with laughter. Ruthie crossed her eyes and loosened her joints; she staggered about, tripping loosely with her tongue hanging out. “I’m drunk,” she said.
“Look,” Winfield cried. “Looka me, here’s me, an’ I’m Uncle John.” He flapped his arms and puffed, he whirled until he was dizzy.
“No,” said Ruthie. “Here’s the way. Here’s the way. I’m Uncle John. I’m awful drunk.”
Al and Tom walked quietly through the willows, and they came on the children staggering crazily about. The dusk was thick now. Tom stopped and peered. “Ain’t that Ruthie an’ Winfiel’? What the hell’s the matter with ’em?” They walked nearer. “You crazy?” Tom asked.
The children stopped, embarrassed. “We was- jus’ playin’,” Ruthie said.
“It’s a crazy way to play,” said Al.
Ruthie said pertly, “It ain’t no crazier’n a lot of things.”
Al walked on. He said to Tom, “Ruthie’s workin’ up a kick in the pants. She been workin’ it up a long time. ‘Bout due for it.”
Ruthie mushed her face at his back, pulled out her mouth with her forefinger, slobbered her tongue at him, outraged him in every way she knew, but Al did not turn back to look at her. She looked at Winfield again to start the game, but it had been spoiled. They both knew it.
“Le’s go down the water an’ duck our heads,” Winfield suggested. They walked down through the willows, and they were angry at Al.
Al and Tom went quietly in the dusk. Tom said, “Casy shouldn’ of did it. I might of knew, though. He was talkin’ how he ain’t done nothin’ for us. He’s a funny fella, Al. All the time thinkin’.”
“Comes from bein’ a preacher,” Al said. “They get all messed up with stuff.”
“Where ya s’pose Connie was a-goin’?”
“Goin’ to take a crap, I guess.”
“Well, he was goin’ a hell of a long way.”
They walked among the tents, keeping close to the walls. At Floyd’s tent a soft hail stopped them. They came near to the tent flap and squatted down. Floyd raised the canvas a little. “You gettin’ out?”
Tom said, “I don’ know. Think we better?”
Floyd laughed sourly. “You heard what the bull said. They’ll burn ya out if ya don’t. ‘F you think that guy’s gonna take a beatin’ ‘thout gettin’ back, you’re nuts. The pool-room boys’ll be down here tonight to burn us out.”
“Guess we better git, then,” Tom said. “Where you a-goin’?”
“Why, up north, like I said.”
Al said, “Look, a fella tol’ me ’bout a gov’ment camp near here. Where’s it at?”
“Oh, I think that’s full up.”
“Well, where’s it at?”
“Go south on 99 ’bout twelve-fourteen miles, an’ turn east to Weedpatch. It’s right near there. But I think she’s full up.”