He came back to barracks near midnight, wondering what duty Danilo had been assigned at this mid-year rotation. It was strange to walk in and see the night officer simply marking off his name as being on late duty, rather than scolding him for being tardy. He paused to ask the man, “Do you know anything about Julian—cadet MacAran, sir?”
“MacAran? Yes, he has a concussion, they took him to the infirmary, but he’ll be all right in a few days. They sent for his friend to come and stay with him there. His wits were wandering, and they were afraid he’d climb out of bed and hurt himserf. But he recognized Damon’s voice. He didn’t seem to hear anyone else but when MacAnndra told him to keep quiet and stay put, they say he went to sleep quiet as a baby. Concussion’s like that sometimes.”
Regis said he was glad to hear Julian was no worse, and went in to his bed. His end of the dormitory was almost empty, with Damon and Julian in the infirmary. Danilo’s bed, too, was empty. He must be on night duty. He felt regretful, having hoped for a word with him, a chance, perhaps, to find out what was troubling him, make friends again.
He was wakened, an hour or two later, by the sounds of heavy rain on the roof and raised voices at the doorway. The night officer was saying, “I’ll have to put you on report for this,” and Danilo answering roughly, “I don’t give a damn, what do you think it matters to me now?” A few minutes later he came into the room with blundering steps.
What is the matter with him? Regis wondered. Was he drunk? He decided not to speak to him. If Danilo was drunk enough, or agitated enough, to be rude to the night officer, he might make another scene and find himself in worse trouble yet.
Danilo bumped into Regis’ cot, and Regis could feel that Danilo’s clothing was soaked through, as if he had been wandering around in the rain. By the dim light left in the washroom at night Regis could see him blundering around, flinging his clothes off every which way, heard the bump as he threw his sword down on his clothing chest instead of hanging it on the wall. He stood under the window for a moment, naked, hesitating, and Regis almost said something. He could have spoken in a low voice without attracting attention; with Damon and Julian both out of the barracks, they were a considerable distance from the other cadets. But the old agonizing fear of a rebuff seized him. He could not face the thought of another quarrel. So he remained silent, and after a time Danilo turned away and got into his own bed.
Regis slept lightly, fitfully, and after a long time woke with a start, hearing again the sound of weeping. This time, although the vibration of misery was there, direct to his senses, Danilo was awake and he was really crying, softly, hopelessly, miserably. Regis listened to the sound for some time, wretchedly torn, unwilling to intrude, unable to endure such grief. Finally his sense of friendship drew him out of bed.
He knelt beside Danilo’s cot and whispered, “Dani, what’s the matter? Are you sick? Have you had had news from home? Is there anything I can do?”
Danilo muttered drearily, his head still turned away. “No, no, there’s nothing anyone can do, it’s too late for that. And for that, for that—Holy Bearer of Burdens, what will my father say?”
Regis said, in a whisper that could not be heard three feet away, “Don’t talk like that. Nothing’s so bad it can’t be helped somehow. Would you feel better to tell me about it? Please, Dani.”
Danilo turned over, his face only a white blob in the darkness. He said, “I don’t know what to do. I think I must be going mad—” Suddenly he drew a long, gasping sob. He said, “I can’t see—who—Damon, is that you?”
Regis whispered, “No. Damon’s in the infirmary with Julian. And everyone else is asleep. I don’t think anyone heard you coming in. I wasn’t going to say anything, but you sounded so unhappy . ..” Forgetting their quarrel, forgetting everything except this was his friend in some desperate trouble, he leaned forward and laid his hand on Danilo’s bare shoulder, a shy, tentative touch. “Isn’t there anything I can—”