The Little Warrior by P. G. Wodehouse

“I say,” said Freddie in an awed voice. “He’s a bit of a nut, that lad, what! He reminds me of the troops of Midian in the hymn. The chappies who prowled and prowled around. I’ll bet he’s worn a groove in the carpet. Like a jolly old tiger at the Zoo at feeding time. Wouldn’t be surprised at any moment to look down and find him biting a piece out of my leg!”

Jill seized his arm and shook it.

“Don’t ramble, Freddie! Tell me how you got here.”

“Oh, that was pretty simple. I had a letter of introduction to this chappie Pilkington who’s running this show, and, we having got tolerably pally in the last few days, I went to him and asked him to let me join the merry throng. I said I didn’t want any money and the little bit of work I would do wouldn’t make any difference, so he said ‘Right ho!’ or words to that effect, and here I am.”

“But why? You can’t be doing this for fun, surely?”

“Fun!” A pained expression came into Freddie’s face. “My idea of fun isn’t anything in which jolly old Miller, the bird with the snowy hair, is permitted to mix. Something tells me that that lad is going to make it his life-work picking on me. No, I didn’t do this for fun. I had a talk with Wally Mason the night before last, and he seemed to think that being in the chorus wasn’t the sort of thing you ought to be doing, so I thought it over and decided that I ought to join the troupe too. Then I could always be on the spot, don’t you know, if there was any trouble. I mean to say, I’m not much of a chap and all that sort of thing, but still I might come in handy one of these times. Keep a fatherly eye on you, don’t you know, and what not!”

Jill was touched.

“You’re a dear, Freddie!”

“I thought, don’t you know, it would make poor old Derek a bit easier in his mind.”

Jill froze.

“I don’t want to talk about Derek, Freddie, please.”

“Oh, I know what you must be feeling. Pretty sick, I’ll bet, what? But if you could see him now —”

“I don’t want to talk about him!”

“He’s pretty cut up, you know. Regrets bitterly and all that sort of thing. He wants you to come back again.”

“I see! He sent you to fetch me?”

“That was more or less the idea.”

“It’s a shame that you had all the trouble. You can get messenger-boys to go anywhere and do anything nowadays. Derek ought to have thought of that.”

Freddie looked at her doubtfully.

“You’re spoofing, aren’t you? I mean to say, you wouldn’t have liked that!”

“I shouldn’t have disliked it any more than his sending you.”

“Oh, but I wanted to pop over. Keen to see America and so forth.”

Jill looked past him at the gloomy stage. Her face was set, and her eyes sombre.

“Can’t you understand, Freddie? You’ve known me a long time. I should have thought that you would have found out by now that I have a certain amount of pride. If Derek wanted me back, there was only one thing for him to do—come over and find me himself.”

“Rummy! That’s what Mason said, when I told him. You two don’t realize how dashed busy Derek is these days.”

“Busy!”

Something in her face seemed to tell Freddie that he was not saying the right thing, but he stumbled on.

“You’ve no notion how busy he is. I mean to say, elections coming on and so forth. He daren’t stir from the metrop.”

“Of course I couldn’t expect him to do anything that might interfere with his career, could I?”

“Absolutely not. I knew you would see it!” said Freddie, charmed at her reasonableness. All rot, what you read about women being unreasonable. “Then I take it it’s all right, eh?”

“All right?”

“I mean you will toddle home with me at the earliest opp. and make poor old Derek happy?”

Jill laughed discordantly.

“Poor old Derek!” she echoed. “He has been badly treated, hasn’t he?”