I never got a chance to pursue the subject; Mary did not like digging into the past. I asked her once why the Old Man had relieved her as a presidential guard. She said, “I stopped being useful at it,” and would not elaborate. She knew that I eventually would learn the reason: that the slugs had found out about sex, thus rendering her no longer useful as a touchstone for possessed males. But I did not know it then; she found the subject repulsive and refused to talk about it. Mary spent less time borrowing trouble than anyone I ever knew.
So little that I almost forgot, during that holiday from the world, what it was we were up against.
Although she would not talk about herself, she let me talk about myself. As I grew still more relaxed and still happier I tried to explain what had been eating me all my life. I told her about resigning from the service and the knocking around I had done before I swallowed my pride and went to work for the Old Man. “I’m a peaceable guy,” I told her, “but what’s the matter with me? The Old Man is the only one I’ve ever been able to subordinate myself to—and I still fight with him. Why, Mary? Is there something wrong with me?”
I had my head in her lap; she picked it up and kissed me. “Heavens, boy, don’t you know? There’s nothing really wrong with you; it’s what has been done to you.”
“But I’ve always been that way—until now.”
“I know, ever since you were a child. No mother and an arrogantly brilliant father—you’ve been slapped around so much that you have no confidence in yourself.”
Her answer surprised me so much that I reared up. Me? No confidence in myself? “Huh?” I said. “How can you say that? I’m the cockiest rooster in the yard.”
“Yes. Or you used to be. Things will be better now.” And there’s where it stood for she took advantage of my change in position to stand up and say, “Let’s go look at the sunset.”
“Sunset?” I answered. “Can’t be—we just finished breakfast.” But she was right and I was wrong, a common occurrence.
The mix-up about the time of day jerked me back to reality. “Mary, how long have we been up here? What’s the date?”
“Does it matter?”
“You’re dam right it matters. It’s been more than a week. I’m sure. One of these days our phones will start screaming and then it’s back to the treadmill.”
“In the meantime what difference does it make?”
She was right but I still wanted to know what day it was. I could have found out by switching on a stereo screen, but I would probably have bumped into a newscast—and I did not want that; I was still pretending that Mary and I were away in a different world, a safe world, where titans did not exist. “Mary,” I said fretfully, “how many tempus pills have you?”
“None.”
“Well—I’ve got enough for both of us. Let’s stretch it out, make it last a long time. Suppose we have just twenty-four more hours; we could fine it down into a month, subjective time.”
“No.”
“Why not? Let’s carpe that old diem before it gets away from us.”
She put a hand on my arm and looked up into my eyes. “No, darling, it’s not for me. I must live each moment as it comes and not let it be spoiled by worrying about the moment ahead.” I suppose I looked stubborn for she went on, “If you want to take them, I won’t mind, but please don’t ask me to.”
“Confound it. I’m not going on a joy ride alone.” She did not answer, which is the damnedest way of winning an argument I know of.
Not that we argued. If I tried to start one—which I did, more than once—Mary would give in and somehow it would work out that I was mistaken. I did try several times to find out more about her; it seemed to me that I ought to know something about the woman I was married to. To one question she looked thoughtful and answered presently, “I sometimes wonder whether I ever did have a childhood—or was it something I dreamed last night?”