Where were the sense of humor and seductive sensuality that had knocked her for a loop in high school and lured her enticingly into a young marriage in which she had willingly, joyfully stayed home during those early years to bear his children? How had they let things deteriorate so far?
The long silence in answer to Ruby’s question told her volumes before Jack sighed, then finally responded hoarsely, “I don’t know. I just don’t know how I feel anymore. I’m not sure it matters.”
His words sliced through Ruby’s heart.
“We just need time—”
“No! What we don’t need is more time to drag this out. I’ve asked you repeatedly to cut back on hours at your lingerie company so we can work on our marriage. You’ve refused.”
“I haven’t refused. I just couldn’t do it right away. Sweet Nothings has stockpiled so many orders. I would have to hire someone to take over some of my responsibilities. By next month, two months at the latest, then I might be able…”
Jack looked at her incredulously and threw his arms out in resignation. “I give up! I’ve been hearing this same story for months. Call me when you can work me in.”
For a few long seconds, Jack hesitated—almost regretfully. Time stood still for them both, freezing them in a tableau of cloudy nostalgia. Jack’s heartrending expression bathed her in a gentle caress, giving her hope.
But then he turned and left.
Ruby stared at the closed door through a mist of tears. Why couldn’t Jack understand how hard she’d worked to build up her custom lingerie company, how hard it was to let go—even a little? She loved Jack. She did. Why couldn’t she have both him and her career?
A hot tear trickled down her cheek. Regret squeezed her heart as she thought of Jack and all she’d lost. Memories seared her mind. Finally, she yielded to the racking sobs that shook her, rocking back and forth.
Ruby cried for a long time until tides of hollow weariness engulfed her. Then she sank down in a well-worn recliner—Jack’s favorite chair since his college days—and let her gaze scan the room. She reached for her fifteen-year-old son’s Walkman, needing something to fill the silence. Unable to cope right now with the overwhelming sense of loss, Ruby absently inserted the tape Jack had been listening to, adjusted the headset and leaned back wearily. Maybe one of the motivational tapes would inspire her with some miraculous message on how to get her marriage back in order.
Lord, what a mess I’ve made of my life!
Ruby shifted her blue-jean-clad bottom into a more comfortable position as her eyes scanned the tapes on the bookshelves of the study. She wasn’t opposed to motivational tapes, but Jack had become obessed with them during the real estate slump.
The worst of them, and the funniest, had been the coyote tapes. How many mornings had he awakened her and the two boys with a coyote howl, declaring that every day should start on a positive note? She forgot the significance of the coyote—something to do with coyotes being able to survive in the wilderness and businessmen being able to do likewise in the coming bad times, or some such thing.
What she did remember was the boys hiding their heads under their pillows at the sound of the howl, and refusing to ride in a car with their dad because he forced them to listen to his tapes rather than their favorite rock group. Despite her sadness, Ruby grinned.
That seemed so long ago. Eons!
She looked back to the shelves. Hundreds of the blasted cassettes lined the shelves, not to mention video tapes, books and plaques—everything from the old standby The Power of Positive Thinking to You Can Do Anything!
She knew what she’d do if she could do anything. She’d be twenty years younger, Ruby thought defiantly. She would give anything for a chance to live her life over again, knowing what she did today. She’d certainly never get involved with another male chauvinist. She wouldn’t let herself love another Jack. It hurt too much.
In fact, she didn’t think she’d get married. Sure, there’d been lots of good times with Jack, but men demanded too much of the women they loved. They sucked the very dreams out of them. Barefoot and pregnant, that’s how they all still wanted their women!