The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

This insistence of Constant’s was a dismaying development, since Indianapolis was far from an ideal place for a homeless old man.

Salo wanted to let him off by a shuffleboard court in St. Petersburg, Florida, U.S.A., but Constant, after the fashion of old men, could not be shaken from his first decision. He wanted to go to Indianapolis, and that was that.

Salo assumed that Constant had relatives or possibly old business connections in Indianapolis, but this turned out not to be the case.

“I don’t know anybody in Indianapolis, and I don’t know anything about Indianapolis except for one thing,” said Constant, “a thing I read in a book,”

“What did you read in a book?” said Salo uneasily.

“Indianapolis, Indiana,” said Constant, “is the first place in the United States of America where a white man was hanged for the murder of. an Indian. The kind of people who’ll hang a white man for murdering an Indian — ” said Constant, “that’s the kind of people for me.”

Salo’s head did a somersault in its gimbals. His feet made grieved sucking sounds on the iron floor. His passenger, obviously, knew almost nothing about the planet toward which he was being carried with a speed approaching that of light.

At least Constant had money.

There was hope in that. He had close to three thousand dollars in various Earthling currencies, taken from the pockets of Rumfoord’s suits in the Taj Mahal.

And at least he had clothes.

He had on a terribly baggy but good tweed suit of Rumfoord’s, complete with a Phi Beta Kappa key that hung from the watch chain that spanned the front of the vest.

Salo had made Constant take the key along with the suit.

Constant had a good overcoat, a hat, and overshoes, too.

With Earth only an hour away, Salo wondered what else he could do to make the remainder of Constant’s life supportable, even in Indianapolis.

And he decided to hypnotize Constant, in order that the last few seconds of Constant’s life, at least, would please the old man tremendously. Constant’s life would end well.

Constant was already in a nearly hypnotic state, staring out at the Cosmos through a porthole.

Salo came up behind him and spoke to him soothingly.

“You are tired, so very tired, Space Wanderer, Malachi, Unk,” said Salo. “Stare at the faintest star, Earthling, and think how heavy your limbs are growing.”

“Heavy,” said Constant.

“You are going to die some day, Unk,” said Salo. “Sorry, but it’s true.”

“True,” said Constant. “Don’t be sorry.”

“When you know you are dying, Space Wanderer,” said Salo hypnotically, “a wonderful thing will happen to you.” He then described to Constant the happy things that Constant would imagine before his life flickered out.

It would be a post-hypnotic illusion.

“Awake!” said Salo.

Constant shuddered, turned away from the porthole. “Where am I?” he said.

“On a Tralfamadorian space ship out of Titan, bound for Earth,” said Salo.

“Oh,” said Constant. “Of course,” he said a moment later. “I must have been asleep.”

“Take a nap,” said Salo.

“Yes — I — I think I will,” said Constant. He lay down on a bunk. He dropped off to sleep.

Salo strapped the sleeping Space Wanderer to his bunk. Then he strapped himself to his seat at the controls. He set three dials, double-checked the reading on each. He pressed a bright red button.

He sat back. There was nothing more to do now.

From now on everything was automatic. In thirty-six minutes, the ship would land itself near the end of a bus line on the outskirts of Indianapolis, Indiana, U.S.A., Earth, Solar System, Milky Way.

It would be three in the morning there.

It would also be winter.

The space ship landed in four inches of fresh snow in a vacant lot on the south side of Indianapolis. No one was awake to see it land.

Malachi Constant got out of the space ship. “That’s your bus stop over there, old soldier,” whispered Salo. It was necessary to whisper, for a two-story frame house with an open bedroom window was only thirty feet away. Salo pointed to a snowy bench by the street. “You’ll have to wait about ten minutes,” he whispered. “The bus will take you right into the center of town. Ask the driver to let you off near a good hotel.”

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