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The Stainless Steel Rat Sings the Blues by Harry Harrison

No one said why again but that was the only thing on our minds. I stared at their worried faces and tried to think of something nice. I did. “Madonette,’,’ I said.

“What about her?” Steengo asked.

“We’ve got to tell her what has happened.” I stuck my thumb in my ear and addressed my pinkie. “Jim calling Madonette. Are you on-line?”

“Very much so.”

“I read you as well,” Tremearne said tinnily from my thumbnail.

I outlined the events of the day. Said over and awaited any reaction. Madonette gasped, nor could I blame her, but Tremearne was all business as usual.

“You are doing well on your side of the wall. Is it time for Madonette to check out her side?”

“Not yet, not until we have a few answers to an awful lot of questions.”

“Agreed-but only for now. What have you discovered about the artifact?”

“Negative so far. Give us a break, Captain. Don’t you think that getting in here, pressing the flesh and doing a gig is enough for one day?” The silence lengthened. “Yes, sir, right you are-it’s not enough. One alien artifact coming up. Over and out.”

I pulled my finger out of my ear, wiped the earwax off of it, stared gloomily into space.

“How do we find it?” Floyd asked.

“I haven’t the slightest idea. I just said that to get Tremearne off my neck.”

“I know how we start,” Steengo said. I launched a quizzical look in his direction.

“First the Esc and now this. Our humble harp player reveals hidden depths.” He nodded and smiled.

“All those years laboring for the League perhaps. Didn’t the ancient gladhander at the gate tell us that there would be a market at dawn tomorrow?”

“His very words,” Floyd said. “But so what? The artifact is long gone from the market.”

“Of course. But the merchants aren’t. There is a good chance that whoever bought the thing might still be there.”

“A genius!” I applauded. “Behind those gray hairs lies even grayer gray matter that knows how to think!”

He nodded acceptance. “I never did enjoy retirement. What’s next, boss Jim?”

“Grab Goldy. Show strong interest in the market. Have him lay on a guide to take us there when it opens in the morning . . .

As though speaking his name had been a summons; bugles sounded, the door opened, our gilt-garbed guardian came in.

“A summons for you, oh lucky ones. Iron John will see you in the Veritorium. Come!”

We went-since we had little choice. For a change Goldy was not in a chatty mood; waving off our queries with a flick of his hand. More corridors, more bricks-and another door. It opened into misty darkness. Stumbling and barking our ankles we made our way to a row of waiting chairs, sat down as instructed. It was even darker when Goldy closed the door behind him as he left.

“I don’t like this,” Floyd muttered, muttering for all of us.

“Patience,” I said for lack of any more intelligent answer, then nervously squeezed my knuckles until they cracked. There was a movement of air in the darkness and a growing glow. Iron John swam into view, a blown-up image really. He pointed at us.

“The experience that you are about to have is vital to your existence. Its memory will sustain you and uplift you and will never be forgotten. I know that you will be ever grateful and I accept your tearful thanks in advance. This is the experience that will change you, develop you, enrich you. Welcome, welcome, to the first day of the rest of your new and fulfilling lives.”

As his image faded I coughed to cover the grunt of suspicion that this old bushwah evoked. Never try to con a conman. I settled my rump more comfortably in the chair and prepared to be entertained.

As soon as it started 1 could see that the holofilm was very professionally made. I appreciated that the young, the gullible -or the just plain stupid-would be very impressed by it. The mist churned, the russet light grew brighter and I was suddenly in the midst of the scene.

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Categories: Harrison, Harry
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