“It looks alien enough to be alien,” I said. Looking at it was beginning to hurt my eyes so I dropped it onto the table. “What does it do, or what is it made of or whatever?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea since it was never conveyed to the university. It was, I must say, interrupted in its journey and it is essential that it be recovered.”
“Pretty sloppy way to handle the only alien artifact in the universe.
“That is beyond the scope of my authority and not for me to say. But I am authorized to unperfunctorily predicate that it must be found and returned. At any cost which sums I am duly authorized to pay. Officers of the Galactic League have assured me that you, pseudonymous Jim, have volunteered to find and return the artifact. They have convinced me that you, ins young as you are, are a specialist in these matters. I can only wish you best of luck-and look forward to meeting you again when you return with that which we desire the most.”
He exited then and a bald, uniformed naval officer entered m his place. Closed the door and glared at me with a steely gaze. I glared back.
“Are you the one who is finally going to tell me what is going on?” I asked.
“Damn right,” he growled. “Damn fool idea-but the only one we have going. I am Admiral Benbow, head of League Navy Security. Those dumbhead academics let the most priceless object in the universe slip through their fingers-now we have to pick up the pieces and run with the ball.”
The Admiral’s mixed metaphors were as bad as the professor’s academese. Was clear speaking becoming a lost art?
“Come on,” I said. “Simply tell me what happened and what I am supposed to do.”
“Right.” He slammed down into a chair. “If that is a beer I’ll have one too. No I won’t. A double, no a treble high-octane whisky. No ice. Do it.”
The robobar supplied our drinks. He drained his while I was just lifting mine.
“Now hear this. The expedition concerned was returning from their planetary dig when their ship experienced communication difficulties. Worried about navigation they landed on the nearest planet, which unhappily and tragically turned out to be Liokukae.”
“Why unhappily and tragically?”
“Shut up and listen. We got them and their ship back relatively intact, But without the artifact. For certain reasons we could do no more. That is why your services have been engaged.”
“So now you are going to tell me about those certain reasons.”
He coughed and looked away, stood and refilled his glass before speaking again. If I didn’t know better I would have said that the seasoned old space dog was embarrassed.
“You have to understand that keeping the galactic peace is our role and our goal. This is not always possible. There are sometimes individuals, even groups, that are impervious to our attentions. Violent people, some apparently incurably insane, obnoxious. Despite everything that we can do they remain immune to our blandishments, impervious to our help.” He gulped down the dregs and I had the feeling that we were finally getting to the truth.
“Since we cannot kill them we-and you realize only the highest authorities know what I am about to tell you-we so to speak arrange, see to it that they are, well, transported to Liokukae to live the sort of life they prefer to live. Without endangering the peaceful cultures of the union-”
“A galactic garbage dump!” I cried aloud. “Where you holier-than-thou bigots sweep your failures under the carpet! No wonder you keep this a top-secret secret.”
“Just knock off the superior attitude cagal, diGriz. I know your record-and in my book it stinks. But we have you by the short and curlies since you drank the seven-hundred-and-twenty-hour poison, so you will do just as I say. So now I’m going to fill you in with all the loathsome details re Liokukae, let you see what information we have. Then you will come up with a plan for getting that thing back. You have no choice.”
“Thanks. What resources do I have?”
“Limitless resources, unrestricted funds, boundless support. Every planet in the galaxy contributes to Galaksia Universitato. They have so many credits that they make the super-rich look super-poor. I want you to take them to the cleaners.”