THREE MEN AND A MAID by P. G. WODEHOUSE

Suddenly, as he released her, the cloud came back into her face.

“My angel,” he asked solicitously, “what’s the matter?”

“I was thinking of father,” she said.

The glowing splendour of the morning took on a touch of chill for Sam.

“Father!” he said thoughtfully. “Yes, I see what you mean! He will think that we have been a little precipitate, eh? He will require a little time in order to learn to love me, you think?”

“He is sure to be pretty angry at first,” agreed Billie. “You see I know he has always hoped that I would marry Bream.”

“Bream! Bream Mortimer! What a silly thing to hope!”

“Well, you see, I told you that Mr. Mortimer was father’s best friend. They are both over in England now, and are trying to get a house in the country for the summer which we can all share. I rather think the idea is to bring me and Bream closer together.”

“How the deuce could that fellow be brought any closer to you? He’s like a burr as it is.”

“Well, that was the idea, I’m sure. Of course, I could never look at Bream now.”

“I hate looking at him myself,” said Sam feelingly.

A group of afflicted persons, bent upon playing with long sticks and bits of wood, now invaded the upper deck. Their weak-minded cries filled the air. Sam and the girl rose.

“Touching on your father once more,” he said as they made their way below, “is he a very formidable sort of man?”

“He can be a dear. But he’s rather quick-tempered. You must be very ingratiating.”

“I will practise it in front of the glass every morning for the rest of the voyage,” said Sam.

He went down to the stateroom in a mixed mood of elation and apprehension. He was engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world, but over the horizon loomed the menacing figure of Father. He wished he could induce Billie to allow him to waive the formality of thawing Father. Eustace Hignett had apparently been able to do so. But that experience had presumably engendered a certain caution in her. The Hignett fiasco had spoiled her for runaway marriages. Well, if it had to be done, it must be done, and that was all there was to it.

CHAPTER FIVE

“Good God!” cried Eustace Hignett.

He stared at the figure which loomed above him in the fading light which came through the porthole of the stateroom. The hour was seven-thirty and he had just woken from a troubled doze, full of strange nightmares, and for the moment he thought that he must still be dreaming, for the figure before him could have walked straight into any nightmare and no questions asked. Then suddenly he became aware that it was his cousin, Samuel Marlowe. As in the historic case of father in the pigstye, he could tell him by his hat. But why was he looking like that? Was it simply some trick of the uncertain light, or was his face really black and had his mouth suddenly grown to six times its normal size and become a vivid crimson?

Sam turned. He had been looking at himself in the mirror with a satisfaction which, to the casual observer, his appearance would not have seemed to justify. Hignett had not been suffering from a delusion. His cousin’s face was black; and, even as he turned, he gave it a dab with a piece of burnt cork and made it blacker.

“Hullo! You awake?” he said and switched on the light.

Eustace Hignett shied like a startled horse. His friend’s profile, seen dimly, had been disconcerting enough. Full face, he was a revolting object. Nothing that Eustace Hignett had encountered in his recent dreams—and they had included such unusual fauna as elephants in top hats and running shorts—had affected him so profoundly. Sam’s appearance smote him like a blow. It seemed to take him straight into a different and dreadful world.

“What … what … what…?” he gurgled.

Sam squinted at himself in the glass and added a touch of black to his nose.

“How do I look?”

Eustace Hignett began to fear that his cousin’s reason must have become unseated. He could not conceive of any really sane man, looking like that, being anxious to be told how he looked.

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