Alonzo Fitz and Other Stories by Mark Twain

hours he lay without thought or feeling or motion. Then his senses

returned. The dawn of the third morning was breaking. Ah, the world

seemed very beautiful to those worn eyes. Suddenly a great longing to

live rose up in the lad’s heart, and from his soul welled a deep and

fervent prayer that Heaven would have mercy upon him and let him see his

home and his friends once more. In that instant a soft, a faint, a far-

off sound, but oh, how inexpressibly sweet to his waiting ear, came

floating out of the distance:

“Waw . . . he! waw . . . he! waw-he!–waw-he!–waw-he!”

“That, oh, that song is sweeter, a thousand times sweeter than the voice

of the nightingale, thrush, or linnet, for it brings not mere hope, but

certainty of succor; and now, indeed, am I saved! The sacred singer has

chosen itself, as the oracle intended; the prophecy is fulfilled, and my

life, my house, and my people are redeemed. The ass shall be sacred from

this day!”

The divine music grew nearer and nearer, stronger and stronger and ever

sweeter and sweeter to the perishing sufferer’s ear. Down the declivity

the docile little donkey wandered, cropping herbage and singing as he

went; and when at last he saw the dead horse and the wounded king, he

came and snuffed at them with simple and marveling curiosity. The king

petted him, and he knelt down as had been his wont when his little

mistress desired to mount. With great labor and pain the lad drew

himself upon the creature’s back, and held himself there by aid of the

generous ears. The ass went singing forth from the place and carried the

king to the little peasant-maid’s hut. She gave him her pallet for a

bed, refreshed him with goat’s milk, and then flew to tell the great news

to the first scouting-party of searchers she might meet.

The king got well. His first act was to proclaim the sacredness and

inviolability of the ass; his second was to add this particular ass to

his cabinet and make him chief minister of the crown; his third was to

have all the statues and effigies of nightingales throughout his kingdom

destroyed, and replaced by statues and effigies of the sacred donkey;

and, his fourth was to announce that when the little peasant maid should

reach her fifteenth year he would make her his queen and he kept his

word.

Such is the legend. This explains why the moldering image of the ass

adorns all these old crumbling walls and arches; and it explains why,

during many centuries, an ass was always the chief minister in that royal

cabinet, just as is still the case in most cabinets to this day; and it

also explains why, in that little kingdom, during many centuries, all

great poems, all great speeches, all great books, all public solemnities,

and all royal proclamations, always began with these stirring words:

“Waw . . . he! waw . . , he!–waw he! Waw-he!”

SPEECH ON THE BABIES

AT THE BANQUET, IN CHICAGO, GIVEN BY THE ARMY OF THE TENNESSEE TO THEIR

FIRST COMMANDER, GENERAL U. S. GRANT, NOVEMBER, 1879

The fifteenth regular toast was “The Babies–as they comfort us in

our sorrows, let us not forget them in our festivities.”

I like that. We have not all had the good for tune to be ladies. We

have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast

works down to the babies, we stand on common ground. It is a shame that

for a thousand years the world’s banquets have utterly ignored the baby,

as if he didn’t amount to anything. If you will stop and think a minute

–if you will go back fifty or one hundred years to your early married

life and recontemplate your first baby–you will remember that he

amounted to a great deal, and even something over. You soldiers all know

that when the little fellow arrived at family, headquarters you had to

hand in your resignation. He took entire command. You became his

lackey, his mere body servant, and you had to stand around, too. He was

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