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Alonzo Fitz and Other Stories by Mark Twain

Court of the United States. It made no end of trouble there. Two of the

judges believed that an echo was personal property, because it was

impalpable to sight and touch, and yet was purchasable, salable, and

consequently taxable; two others believed that an echo was real estate,

because it was manifestly attached to the land, and was not removable

from place to place; other of the judges contended that an echo was not

property at all.

It was finally decided that the echo was property; that the hills were

property; that the two men were separate and independent owners of the

two hills, but tenants in common in the echo; therefore defendant was at

full liberty to cut down his hill, since it belonged solely to him, but

must give bonds in three million dollars as indemnity for damages which

might result to my uncle’s half of the echo. This decision also debarred

my uncle from using defendant’s hill to reflect his part of the echo,

without defendant’s consent; he must use only his own hill; if his part

of the echo would not go, under these circumstances, it was sad, of

course, but the court could find no remedy. The court also debarred

defendant from using my uncle’s hill to reflect his end of the echo,

without consent. You see the grand result! Neither man would give

consent, and so that astonishing and most noble echo had to cease from

its great powers; and since that day that magnificent property is tied up

and unsalable.

A week before my wedding-day, while I was still swimming in bliss and the

nobility were gathering from far and near to honor our espousals, came

news of my uncle’s death, and also a copy of his will, making me his sole

heir. He was gone; alas, my dear benefactor was no more. The thought

surcharges my heart even at this remote day. I handed the will to the

earl; I could not read it for the blinding tears. The earl read it; then

he sternly said, “Sir, do you call this wealth?–but doubtless you do in

your inflated country. Sir, you are left sole heir to a vast collection

of echoes–if a thing can be called a collection that is scattered far

and wide over the huge length and breadth of the American continent; sir,

this is not all; you are head and ears in debt; there is not an echo in

the lot but has a mortgage on it; sir, I am not a hard man, but I must

look to my child’s interest; if you had but one echo which you could

honestly call your own, if you had but one echo which was free from

incumbrance, so that you could retire to it with my child, and by humble,

painstaking industry cultivate and improve it, and thus wrest from it a

maintenance, I would not say you nay; but I cannot marry my child to a

beggar. Leave his side, my darling; go, sir, take your mortgage-ridden

echoes and quit my sight forever.”

My noble Celestine clung to me in tears, with loving arms, and swore she

would willingly, nay gladly, marry me, though I had not an echo in the

world. But it could not be. We were torn asunder, she to pine and die

within the twelvemonth, I to toil life’s long journey sad and alone,

praying daily, hourly, for that release which shall join us together

again in that dear realm where the wicked cease from troubling and the

weary are at rest. Now, sir, if you will be so kind as to look at these

maps and plans in my portfolio, I am sure I can sell you an echo for less

money than any man in the trade. Now this one, which cost my uncle ten

dollars, thirty years ago, and is one of the sweetest things in Texas, I

will let you have for–

“Let me interrupt you,” I said. “My friend, I have not had a moment’s

respite from canvassers this day. I have bought a sewing-machine which I

did not want; I have bought a map which is mistaken in all its details;

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Categories: Twain, Mark
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