I stood in front of the window and looked out at dormant clematis and roses frozen to trellises.
“Lacy, you need to learn a little gentleness and tact. You can’t just say exactly what you think.”
“That’s a funny thing to hear coming from you. You’ve always told me how much you hate dishonesty and games.”
“People have feelings.”
“You’re right. Including me,” she said.
“Have I somehow hurt your feelings?”
“How do you think I felt?”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Because you didn’t think about me at all. That’s why you don’t understand.”
“I think about you all the time.”
“That’s like saying you’re rich and yet you never give me a dime. What difference does it make to me what you’ve got hidden away?”
I did not know what to say.
“You don’t call me anymore. You haven’t come to see me once since he got killed.”
The hurt in her voice had been saved for a long time. “I wrote you and you didn’t write back. Then you called me yesterday and asked me to come visit because you needed something.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“It’s the same thing Mom does.”
I shut my eyes and lead my forehead against the cold glass. “You expect too much from me, Lucy. I’m not perfect.”
“I don’t expect you to be perfect. But I thought you were different.”
“I don’t know how to defend myself when you make a remark like that.”
“You can’t defend yourself!”
I watched a gray squirrel hop along the top of the fence bordering the yard. Birds were pecking seeds off the grass.
“Aunt Kay?”
I turned to her and never had I seen her eyes look so dejected.
“Why are men always mode important than me?”
“They’re not, Lucy,” I whispered. “I swear.”
My niece wanted tuna salad and cap latte for lunch, and while I sat in front of the fire editing a journal article, she rummaged through my closet and dresser drawers. I tried not to think about another human being touching my clothes, folding something in a way I wouldn’t or returning a jacket to the wrong hanger. Lucy had a gift for making me feel like the Tinman rusting in the forest. Was I becoming the rigid, serious adult I would have disliked when I was her age?
“What do you think?” she asked when she emerged from my bedroom at half past one. She was wearing one of my tennis warm-up suits.
“I think you spent a long time to come up with only that. And yes, it fits you fine.”
“I found a few other things that are okay, but most of your stuff is-too dressy. All these lawyerly suits in midnight blue and black, gray silk with delicate pinstripes, khaki and cashmere, and white blouses. You must have twenty white blouses and just as many ties. You shouldn’t wear brown, by the way. And I didn’t see much in red, and you’d look good in red, with your blue eyes and grayish blond hair.”
“Ash blond,” I said.
“Ashes are gray or white. Just look in the fire. We don’t wear the same size shoe, not that I’m into ColeHaan or Ferragamo. I did find a black leather jacket that’s really cool. Were you a biker in another life?”
“It’s lambskin and you’re welcome to borrow it.”
“What about your Fendi perfume and pearls? Do you own a pair of jeans?”
“Help yourself.” I started to laugh. “And yes, I have a pair of jeans somewhere. Maybe in the garage.”
“I want to take you shopping, Aunt Kay.”
“I’d have to be crazy.”
“Please?”
“Maybe,” I said.
“If it’s all right, I want to go to your club to work out for a while. I’m stiff from the plane.”
“If you’d like to play tennis while you’re here, I’ll see if Ted has any time to hit with you. My racquets are in the closet to the left. I just switched to a new Wilson. You can hit the ball a hundred miles an hour. You’ll love it.”
“No, thanks. I’d rather use the StairMaster and weights or go running. Why don’t you take a lesson from Ted while I work out, and we can go together?”