Dark Challenge. Christine Feehan. Dark Series – book 5

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Chapter Twelve

Desari lay her head on his shoulder, uncertain what to do to ease the situation. “I am trying to be understanding, Julian, but it is not easy. Contrary to what you are often thinking, I am no saint. I haven’t the patience of Job. What I want from my union with you is to be respected for what I am and for what I bring to this relationship. If I do not know more of your past, things that would help me better comprehend your fears for me, it is because I have respected your wishes and left your memories alone.”

Julian felt as if she had punched him hard in the gut. His fingers tightened around her upper arms. “I have invited you to merge your mind with mine.”

She straightened beside him, the water lapping at her waist. “Why are you shadowed, Julian? Why have you been alone all of your life? You have chosen a life of utter solitude when it is not your nature to be alone. You were born a twin. You needed another close to you, yet you cut yourself off from him. I know you love your brother, yet you will not speak of him, will not speak to him.” Her dark eyes regarded him steadily. “I am no child to be shielded. I want a full partnership with you or nothing at all.”

“My past is not what is haunting our relationship.”

“Your past is haunting you, Julian.” She gestured at their peaceful surroundings. “We are in a paradise, where I wish to make love with you often and in many ways. I see nothing wrong with it, yet you are afraid you bring danger to me. I cannot understand why you would choose to hurt me, to chastise me, rather than simply tell me what it is you are so afraid of.”

She looked so beautiful there in the moonlight. She stole his breath as easily as she had taken his heart. “I have exchanged blood with a vampire.” He said the words starkly, with no gentle explanations, the plain ugly truth that had haunted him all his life. The truth that had robbed him of his family and his birthright, the truth no other had ever been told.

Desari went very still, her face pale as she stared into his pain-filled eyes. The tip of her tongue wet her lips, her only sign of a reaction. “How terrible, Julian. When did this happen?” There was love in her voice, compassion. It was in the depths of her eyes. She moved to cover the distance between them, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist to press her breasts against his chest.

Julian actually felt tears in his eyes. He buried his face in her hair. “I would understand if you chose not to stay with me.”

Her teeth nipped his skin, a small punishment for doubting her. “When, Julian?”

“I was twelve years of age. He looked young and handsome, and he knew all sorts of things I wanted to know. I visited him in his mountain lair nearly every day, and I told no one, as he bade me. Not even Aidan, although Aidan suspected something was wrong.” There was a wealth of self-contempt in his voice.

Desari pressed closer to him, kissing the hollow of his shoulder, running her hands up and down his broad back to comfort him. “You did not know he was vampire. You were but a boy, Julian.”

“Do not excuse me.” His voice was a whip of self-loathing. “I wanted what he had. I always sought to learn things I should not have known. He saw that in me. The darkness gathering. And one day, when I saw him make a kill, he leapt on me, and he took my blood and forced his tainted blood into my body. He tied us together for all time. He would know where I was, who I was with. He could use me to eavesdrop on others, to betray them. If he wanted to, he could even use me to kill. He was powerful, and I was not yet, so I had no choice but to leave, to stay away from everyone I had ever cared about.” He rubbed his neck as if it burned him. “For centuries he tormented me, but I grew in strength and knowledge until he could no longer use his power over me. But then he vanished, and I could never find him to try to destroy him. I searched every continent, everywhere around the world, and I could not find him. He must use some special power I do not know to keep me from tracking him as I could others who do not have my blood in their veins.”