similar than ever.
As I approached, Cassie opened a mouth full of cereal-mush. A stray
speck dotted her upper lip.
Cindy picked it off. “Swallow, honey. Hi, Dr. Delaware. We didn’t
expect to see you today.”
I put my briefcase down and sat on the foot of the bed. Cassie looked
confused but not fearful.
“Why’s that?” I said.
“It’s the weekend.”
“You’re here, so I’m here.”
“That’s very nice of you. Look, sweetie, Dr. Delaware came all the
way to see you on a Saturday.”
Cassie looked at Cindy, then back at me, still muddled.
Wondering about the mental effects of the seizure, I said, “How’s
everything?”
“Oh, fine.”
I touched Cassie’s hand. She didn’t move for a second, then drew away,
slowly. When I chucked her chin, she looked down at my hand.
“Hi, Cassie,” I said.
She continued to stare. Some milk dribbled out of her mouth.
Cindy wiped it and closed her mouth gently. Cassie started to chew.
Then she parted her lips and said, “Hah,” through the mush.
“Right!” said Cindy. “Hi! That’s great, Cass!”
“Hah.”
“We did very well with our food today, Dr. Delaware. Juice and fruit
and crackers for breakfast. Then we had our breakfiist Krispies for
lunch.”
“Great.”
“Real great.” Her voice was tight.
Remembering the short-lived moment of tension last time I’d talked to
her-the feeling that she was about to tell me something important-I
said, “Is there anything you want to discuss with me?”
She touched Cassie’s hair. Cassie started to play with another
drawing. “No, I don’t think so.”
Dr. Eves tells me y~~~~~ be going home “That’s what she says.” She
adjusted Cassie’s topknot. “I’m sure looking forward to it.”
“Bet you are,” I said. “No more doctors for a while.”
She looked at me. “The doctors have been great. I know they’re doing
their best.”
“You’ve seen some of the best,” I agreed. “Bogner, Torgeson, Macauley,
Dawn Herbert.”
No reaction.
“Got anything planned when you get back home?”
“Just getting back to normal.”
Wondering what that meant, I said, “I’d like to come out pretty
soon.”
“Oh-of course. You can draw with Cassie at her play table. I’m sure
we can find a chair to fit you-can’t we, Cass?”
Fit.”
“Right! Fit.”
“Fip”
“Excellent, Cass. Do you want Dr. Delaware to draw with you at
your little bear table?” When Cassie didn’t answer she said, “Draw? Draw pictures?” and made scrawling motions with one hand.
“Daw.”
“Yes, draw. With Dr. Delaware.”
Cassie looked at her, then me. Then she nodded. Then she smiled.
I stayed awhile, providing entertainment and looking for signs of
post-seizural damage. Cassie seemed okay but I knew brain effects
could be subtle. For the thousandth time I wondered what was going on
in her little body.
Cindy was friendly enough, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that her
enthusiasm for my services had waned. She sat on the sleeper, brushing
out her hair while scanning Tv’ Guide. The hospital air was cool and
dry and the hair crackled with each stroke. Northern light came in through the room’s single window, a straw-colored beam that burned
through the smog and burst against the fairy-tale wallpaper.
The lower edge of the beam touched upon the long dark strands, tracing
a metallic streak through them.
It created an odd cosmetic effect and made her look beautiful.
I’d never thought of her as desirable-too busy wondering if she was a
monster. But seeing her gilded that way made merealize how little she
exploited her looks.
Before I could mull that any longer, the door swung open and Chip came
in, carrying coffee. He had on navy sweats and running shoes and his
hair looked freshly washed. A diamond sparkled in his ear.
His greeting was tavern-buddy friendly but a ribbon of steel ran
through the amiability-resistance not unlike Cindy’s. It made me
wonder if the two of them had discussed me. When he sat down between
Cassie and me I got up and said, “See you later.”
No one argued, though Cassie kept looking at me. I smiled at her. She
stared a while longer before shifting her attention to a drawing. I
collected my stuff and headed for the door.