summoned up my last resources to this end. I made the remark that “I don’t avoid people in order to live quietly, but rather in order to be able to die quietly.” But now I
will defend myself. For a month, during the absence of my boss, I’ll have the time.
30 July. Tired of working in other people’s stores, I had opened up a little stationery store of my own. Since my means were limited and I had to pay cash for almost
everything—
I sought advice, I wasn’t stubborn. It was not stubbornness when I silently laughed with contorted face and feverishly shining cheeks at someone who had unwittingly
proffered me advice. It was suspense, a readiness on my part to be instructed, an unhealthy lack of stubbornness.
The director of the Progress Insurance Company was always greatly dissatisfied with his employees. Now every director is dissatisfied with his employees; the
difference between employees and directors is too vast to be bridged by means of mere commands on the part of the director and mere obedience on the part of the
employees. Only mutual hatred can bridge the gap and give the whole enterprise its perfection.
Bauz, the director of the Progress Insurance Company, looked doubtfully at the man standing in front of his desk applying for a job as attendant with the company. Now
and then he also glanced at the man’s papers lying before him on the desk.
“You’re tall enough,” he said, “I can see that; but what can you do? Our attendants must be able to do more than lick stamps; in fact, that’s the one thing they don’t have
to be able to do, because we have machines to do that kind of thing. Our attendants are part officials, they have responsible work to do; do you feel you are qualified for
that? Your head is shaped peculiarly. Your forehead recedes so. Remarkable. Now, what was your last position? What? You haven’t worked for a year? Why was
that? You had pneumonia? Really? Well, that isn’t much of a recommendation, is it? Naturally, we can employ only people who are in good health. Before you are
taken on you will have to be examined by the doctor. You are quite well now? Really? Of course, that could be. Speak up a little! Your whispering makes me
nervous. I see here that you’re also married, have four children. And you haven’t worked for a year! Really, man! Your wife takes in washing? I see. Well, all right.
As long as you’re already here, get the doctor to examine you now; the attendant will show you the way. But that doesn’t mean that you will be hired, even if the
doctor’s opinion is favorable. By no means. In any event, you’ll receive our decision in writing. To be frank, I may as well tell you at once: I’m not at all impressed with
you. We need an entirely different kind of attendant. But have yourself examined in any case. And now go, go. Trembling like that won’t do you any good. I have no
authority to hand out favors. You’re willing to do any kind of work? Certainly. Everyone is. That’s no special distinction. It merely indicates the low opinion you have
of yourself. And now I’m telling you for the last time: Go along and don’t take up any more of my time. This is really enough.”
Bauz had to strike the desk with his hand before the man let himself be led out of the director’s office by the attendant.
I mounted my horse and settled myself firmly in the saddle. The maid came running to me from the gate and announced that my wife still wanted to speak to me on an
urgent matter; would I wait just a moment, she hadn’t quite finished dressing yet. I nodded and sat quietly on my horse, who now and then gently raised his forelegs and
reared a little. We lived on the outskirts of the village; before me, in the sun, the highway mounted a slope whose opposite side a small wagon had just ascended, which
now came driving down into the village at a rapid pace. The driver brandished his whip, a woman in a provincial yellow dress sat in the dark and dusty interior of the