P G Wodehouse – Man Upstairs

To give the public of his best, your golfer should have his mind cool and intent upon the game. Inasmuch as Gossett was worrying about the telegrams, while Archibald, strive as he might to dismiss it, was haunted by a vision of Margaret standing alone and deserted on the board-walk, play became, as it were, ragged. Fine putting enabled Gossett to do the sixteenth hole in twelve, and when, winning the seventeenth in nine, he brought his score level with Archibald’s the match seemed over. But just then-

“Mr. Gossett!” said a familiar voice.

Once more was the much-enduring telegraph boy among those present.

“T’ree dis time!” he observed.

Gossett sprang, but again the watchful Sigsbee was too swift.

“Be brave, Gossett-be brave,” he said. “This is a crisis in the game. Keep your nerve. Play just as if nothing existed outside the links. To look at these telegrams now would be fatal.”

Eye-witnesses of that great encounter will tell the story of the last hole to their dying day. It was one of those Titanic struggles which Time cannot efface from the memory. Archibald was fortunate in getting a good start. He only missed twice before he struck his ball on the tee. Gossett had four strokes ere he achieved the feat. Nor did Archibald’s luck desert him in the journey to the green. He was out of the bunker in eleven. Gossett emerged only after sixteen. Finally, when Archibald’s twenty-first stroke sent the ball trickling into the hole, Gossett had played his thirtieth.

The ball had hardly rested on the bottom of the hole before Gossett had begun to tear the telegrams from their envelopes. As he read, his eyes bulged in their sockets.

“Not bad news, I hope,” said a sympathetic bystander.

Sigsbee took the sheaf of telegrams.

The first ran: “Good luck. Hope you win. McCay.” The second also ran: “Good luck. Hope you win. McCay.” So, singularly enough, did the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh.

“Great Scott!” said Sigsbee. “He seems to have been pretty anxious not to run any risk of missing you, Gossett.”

As he spoke, Archibald, close beside him, was looking at his watch. The hands stood at a quarter to two.

Margaret and her mother were seated in the parlour when Archibald arrived. Mrs. Milsom, who had elicited the fact that Archibald had not kept his appointment, had been saying “I told you so” for some time, and this had not improved Margaret’s temper. When, therefore, Archibald, damp and dishevelled, was shown in, the chill in the air nearly gave him frost-bite. Mrs. Milsom did her celebrated imitation of the Gorgon, while Margaret, lightly humming an air, picked up a weekly paper and became absorbed in it.

“Margaret, let me explain,” panted Archibald. Mrs. Milsom was understood to remark that she dared say. Matgaret’s attention was riveted by a fashion plate.

“Driving in a taximeter to the ferry this morning,” resumed Archibald, “I had an accident.”

This was the net result of some rather feverish brainwork on the way from the links to the cottage.

The periodical flapped to the floor.

“Oh, Archie, are you hurt?”

“A few scratches, nothing more; but it made me miss my train.”

“What train did you catch?” asked Mrs. Milsom sepulchrally.

“The one o’clock. I came straight on here from the station.”

“Why,” said Margaret, “Stuyvesant was coming home on the one o’clock train. Did you see him?”

Archibald’s jaw dropped slightly.

“Er-no,” he said.

“How curious,” said Margaret.

“Very curious,” said Archibald.

“Most curious,” said Mrs. Milsom.

They were still reflecting on the singularity of this fact when the door opened, and the son of the house entered in person.

“Thought I should find you here, Mealing,” he said. “They gave me this at the station to give to you; you dropped it this morning when you got out of the train.”

He handed Archibald the missing pouch.

“Thanks,” said the latter huskily. “When you say this morning, of course you mean this afternoon, but thanks all the same-thanks-thanks.”

“No, Archibald Mealing, he does not mean this afternoon,” said Mrs. Milsom. “Stuyvesant, speak! From what train did that guf-did Mr. Mealing alight when he dropped the tobacco-pouch?”