Phule’s Paradise by Robert Asprin

The commander followed Sydney’s gaze and saw a matronly woman in a loose-fitting, almost bat-wing black dress approaching their table. While she seemed somehow familiar, he couldn’t quite place her in his memory. As their eyes met, however, the woman smiled her own recognition.

“Good evening, Captain Jester. May I join you?”

The voice swept away any uncertainty.

“Colonel Battleax?” Phule gulped, rising reflexively to his feet. “What are … Please … have a seat.”

The colonel graciously accepted the chair he held for her as if it was what she had been expecting all along.

“I … Excuse me, I don’t think you’ve met,” the commander managed, still trying to recover from the shock of Battleax’s presence in the middle of an assignment. “This is Jennie Higgens and Sydney Nolan.”

“Ah yes, the reporter,” Battleax said, smiling sweetly as the two women shook hands. “I believe we met briefly on Haskin’s Planet.”

“That’s right,” Jennie acknowledged. “Back during the … investigation of Willard’s handling of the alien invasion.”

“Well, I don’t think we ever met. Not to talk, anyway.” Sydney interrupted, extending his own hand. “I was behind the camera that day.”

“Of course,” the colonel said. “I never did get a chance to thank you both for the coverage you provided. It made our job so much easier to have half the galaxy looking over our shoulder.”

“Umm … what brings you to Lorelei, Colonel?” Phule interjected, trying desperately to change the subject before things got bloody.

“Actually, you do, Captain.” Battleax smiled, showing a few extra teeth. “You and your merry band of cutthroats. I think, however, our discussion of that should wait for another time-sometime, shall we say, more private? I wouldn’t want to bore your guests with Legion chitchat.”