Phule’s Paradise by Robert Asprin

She broke off with a frown as Phule’s wrist communicator began to beep insistently.

“Really, Captain. Isn’t there any way you can put a Do Not Disturb sign on that thing?”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” Phule said as he opened the channel. “Jester here!”

“Hey, Big Daddy!” Mother’s voice chirped at him. “Sorry to bother you, but I got General Blitzkrieg on the line. You up to talking to him, or should I tell him you’re in jail overnight?”

“I’ll take it,” the commander said. “Hang on a second.”

“Shall we leave, Captain?” Armstrong offered, starting to rise to his feet.

“Don’t bother,” Phule said. “But it might be better if you could all move to the far side of the room, so the holo cameras can’t pick you up.”

He waited for a moment while his visitors gathered up their drinks and moved over against the wall, then opened communications again.

“All right, Mother,” he said. “Patch him through on the regular communications gear.”

“You got it. Here he comes.”

Phule stepped in front of the communications console that was a part of the furnishing of his quarters and/or office wherever he went, and a few seconds later the image of General Blitzkrieg materialized before him.

“Good evening, General,” he said.

“I caught your showboating for the media, Captain Jester,” Blitzkrieg growled without greeting or preamble. “Looks like you came out smelling like a rose … again.”

“Thank you, sir,” Phule said gravely. “It was-“

“Of course,” the general continued, ignoring the response, “I also saw some preliminary footage from what’s supposed to be a new holo-movie being shot there on Lorelei … except that it has some of your troops in it, and they’re doing an incredible amount of damage to the very complex they’re supposed to be guarding!”