All at once Johanna understood. “It didn’t only happen with Jimmy, did it?” she asked gently.
“No.” Tears spilled over onto his cheeks. “All I had to do was touch my friends’ guns—or their blankets, or their tin cups—and I saw what would happen to them. I kept trying to stop it. I couldn’t.” He clenched his fists. “They kept dying. Blown apart. Legs gone. Faces. Oh, God—”
“You blame yourself for what happened.”
“I was the one who couldn’t be killed. The bullets and shells never hit me. I hardly got wounded. And I was the one who should have died. I was—”
“Listen to me, Harper,” she interrupted. “You’ve done very well, but we have accomplished enough for today. Now you’ll allow the past to fade, let go of the pain, and prepare to return to the present.”
“But I-I deserved—”
“To die,” Quentin said behind her. “I deserved to die.”
She pivoted in astonishment. Quentin’s face was blank, his eyes staring. He gave no indication of being aware of his baffling declaration.
Astonishing. Johanna momentarily lost her train of thought, shaken by the conviction in Quentin’s voice. So deeply did he identify with Harper that he’d fallen into a trance himself, and what came so spontaneously from his unconscious mind was more distressing than she could have predicted.
But this wasn’t Harper’s pain he was experiencing. It was his own.
He needed her. He needed her now.
Johanna rose from her chair and moved quickly to Harper’s side. “Harper, you did not deserve to die. You did what you could to help your friends. You served with honor and loyalty. In time, you will come to understand why your memories bring so much guilt and unhappiness, and realize that you need no longer carry these burdens.”
“I won’t do it,” Quentin shouted. “You can’t make me!”
Johanna flinched. Quentin’s anguish reverberated through her body, but she could not comfort him yet. She grimly concentrated on finishing the task at hand. “Harper, I will count backward from five to one. You will awaken, peaceful and refreshed, and rest until you feel ready to rise. What you remember of the War cannot hurt you, and you will begin to believe that healing is possible. Because it is possible.”
“Yes,” Harper murmured.
Johanna brought him out, watching carefully to make sure that he was conscious and at peace.
She turned back to the man behind her. “Quentin—” She paused at the tortured expression on his face. “Quentin, it will be all right—”
“No!” he cried. “I don’t care what you do, I won’t—” He tumbled from the chair and crouched on the ground, arms flung around his head. “I won’t kill them!”
Chapter 12
Gott in Himmel. Johanna sank to her knees beside him, reaching out as if to hold him, letting her arms fall to her sides again. She could not, at such a crucial juncture, forget herself, no matter how much she wished to console him. He needed her to be strong.
“Quentin, it’s Johanna. You hear my voice.”
He pulled his head closer to his chest and whimpered, a lost, despairing sound.
She locked her arms rigidly in place. “You do hear me, Quentin.”
“Yes,” he gasped. “Don’t let him—”
“No one will hurt you. I will not let them.” She hugged herself. “To whom were you speaking?”
“I can’t—”
“He is not here now. Tell me his name.”
“Grandfather.” He looked up, face wet with tears. “My grandfather.”
His grandfather. “He was something of a tyrant,” Quentin had said. “I gave as good as I got.”
Maybe he hadn’t.
“Where are you now, Quentin?” she asked.
“In the cellar. At Greyburn.”
She shivered with foreboding. “How old are you?”
“I’m… eleven. Almost twelve.”
He was reliving his childhood—the hidden childhood she’d never gotten him to reveal in more than bits and pieces. For just a moment his glazed eyes shone with pride. “I can Change now.”
“Change?”
“Into a wolf, of course. That’s because I’m a man.” The fear returned, wild with defiance. “That’s why he wants me to—to—”
“I’m here with you, Quentin. You can talk to me. What did he want you to do?”
He chewed his lip so hard that she feared he’d tear through the skin. “The kittens. He brought the kittens from the barn.” He hugged himself. “He says I have to learn. He says I should like it—”