The Dark Design by Phillip Jose Farmer

“So there’s nothing remarkable in the rarity of people born after 1983.”

“Yeah? Maybe so. Ah, here comes Smithers and two other thugs. Step into my X-rated parlor, my dear, as the spider said to the fly.”

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Extracts from various editions of The Daily Leak:

Dmitri “Mitya” Ivanovitch Nikitin is pro tempore pilot third officer of the Parseval. He was born in 1885 in Gomel, Russia, of middle-class parents. His father was a harness-factory owner; his mother taught piano. His qualifications for candidacy were based on his experience as chief steers­man of the Russie, a French airship built by the Lebaudy-Juillot Company in 1909 for the Russian government.

Ms. Jill Gulbirra, chief airship instructor, says that Mit-ya’s experience was rather limited from her viewpoint, but he has shown excellent ability. However, according to rumors, he is too fond of skull-bloom. Take a tip from us, Mitya. Lay off the booze.

. . . Charges will not be brought by the editor against Pilot Nikitin. During a necessarily brief interview in the hospital, Mr. Bagg said, “I’ve been laid out by better men than that big slob. The next time he comes charging into my office, I’ll be prepared. The reason I’m not having him arrested isn’t just because I have a big heart, however. I just want a chance to personally knock his brains out. Speak softly and carry a big stick.”

. . . Ettore Arduino is Italian (what else?), but he is blond and blue-eyed and can pass for a Swede as long as he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t eat garlic. As all but new citizens know, he entered Parolando two months ago and was im­mediately signed up for training. He has an illustrious though tragic history, having been chief motor engineer on the airship Norge and then on the Italia under Umberto Nobile. (See page 6 for a minibiogrpahy of this son of Rome.) The Norge accomplished its primary mission to fly over the North Pole on May 12, 1926. It also established that there was no large land mass between the North Pole and Alaska as reported by that great explorer, Commodore Robert E. Peary (1856-1920), the first man to reach the North Pole (1909). (Though Peary was accompanied by a Negro, Matthew Henson, and four Eskimos whose names we don’t remember, actually Henson was the first man to stand on the North Pole.)

The Italia, after passing over the Pole, found itself buck­ing a very strong headwind on its way to King’s Bay. The controls jammed from heavy icing; a crash seemed assured. However, the ice melted, and the airship proceeded. Some time later, the vessel began to fall slowly. The helpless crew was forced to stand by while the queen of the skies struck the surface ice. The control gondola was torn off, a fortuitous event for those in it. These scrambled out and then looked up in shock as the dirigible, freed of the weight of the gondola, rose again.

Ettore Arduino was last seen standing on the gangway to the starboard engine gondola. As reported by a crew mem­ber, Dr. Francis Behounek of the Wireless Institute of Prague, Czechoslovakia, Arduino’s face was a mask of utter disbelief. The Italia floated away, and nothing of it or the men still aboard was ever seen again. On Earth, that is.

Arduino relates that he perished of the cold after the Italia fell for the second and last time on the ice. His complete account of this horrendous experience will be printed in next Thursday’s issue. After this blood-chilling event, no rea­sonable person could expect Ettore to volunteer again for airship travel. But he is undaunted by this and expresses eagerness for another polar expedition. We don’t care what people say about Italians, and we have nothing but contempt for the attitude prevalent in Tombstone, where it was stated as a fact that all wops were yellow. We personally know that they have more guts than brains, and we are sure that Ettore will be a shining adornment to the crew.

… last seen paddling desperately toward the middle of The River while Mr. Arduino fired shots at him with the new Mark IV pistol. Either this weapon is not what it’s cracked up to be, or Mr. Arduino’s marksmanship was below normal that day.