The Dark Design by Phillip Jose Farmer

” ‘And where?’ I said, ‘is beyondT

” ‘To go beyond is to be absorbed into the Overwathan. To become one with the only Reality. Or God, if you wish to name the Reality that. To become one of God’s cells and to experience the eternal and infinite ecstasy of being God.’

“I was more than half-convinced then that I was dealing with an insane pantheist. But I said, ‘And this absorption means the loss of one’s individuality?’

” ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘But you then become the Overwathan, God. To trade your individuality, your self-consciousness, for that of the Supreme Being is surely no loss. It is the greatest gain possible, the ultimate.’

‘ “It is horrible!’ I cried. ‘What kind of monstrous joke is this that God plays on His creatures? How is the afterlife, immortality, any better than death?

” ‘No! It does not make sense! Speaking logically, why should the wathan, or the soul, be created in the first place? What sense is there to this creation when most wathans will be wasted, as if they were so many flies hatched only to be eaten or swatted? And those wathans who do survive, in a manner of speaking. What about those who achieve near perfection, sainthood, if you will, only to be cheated in the end? For surely to lose your self-consciousness, your individuality, your humanity, is to be cheated?

” ‘No, I want to stand as myself, Savinien de Cyrano de Bergerac, if I am to be immortal. I do not want this spurious immortality, this beingness as an unknowing, brainless cell of God’s body! Nameless and brainless!’

” ‘Like most of your breed you talk too much.’he said. ‘However …’

“He hesitated, then said, “There is a third alternative, one which you will like. I did not want to tell you … I won’t, now. I do not have time, nor is this the best time. Perhaps the next time. I must leave shortly.

” ‘First, though, is the matter of your loyalty and your aid. Are you with me?’

” ‘How can I pledge my support when I do not know if you are worth supporting? For all I know, you may be Satan himself!’ He chuckled hollowly, and he said, ‘You are the one who denied both God and the Devil. I am not the Devil or any analog to him. I am in fact on your side, on the side of deluded, suffering humanity. I can’t prove that to you. Not now. But think of this. Have my colleagues approached you? Have they done anything but bring you back from the dead for purposes they do not condescend to tell you? Have I not chosen you from many billions to help in this secret struggle? You and eleven others? Why have I honored you? I’ll tell you. Because I know that you are one of the few who can aid me. Because your wathan tells me that you will be on my side.’

” ‘It is, then, predetermined?’ I said. ‘I do not believe in predeterminism.’

” ‘ No. There’ s no such thing, except in a sense which you would not understand or would find difficult to accept.

” ‘All I can tell you at the moment is that I am on your side. Without me, you and most of your kind are doomed. You must have faith in me.’

” ‘But,’ I cried. ‘What can we pitiful few humans do? We are pitted against superhumans with superpowers.’

“He replied that we twelve could do nothing without a friend in court. He was that friend. We twelve must get together and journey to the North Pole, to the tower in the middle of the sea. We must get there on our own, however. He could not fly us there. He could not tell me at the moment why not.

” ‘I must proceed slowly and cautiously,’ he said. ‘And you must promise not to reveal this conversation to anyone. To no one except one of the twelve I’ve picked.

‘ “To do so might result in your being detected by an agent. That would mean that you would be stripped of all memory of your meetings with me. And I would be placed in even graver danger.’