“But I’m not in distress!” Natalia said.
“Easily arranged. Gregor here can do it.”
“Gregor!” I shouted. “You are my cousin Gregor!”
“A slow lad, but he comes through in the end.”
“And that’s second cousin. You must allow us some dregs of pride,” his brother Wiktor said.
“Nonetheless, we are family, Vladimir,” my cousin Wojciech added. “So get in the tub, share out the beer, and introduce us to your attractive friends.”
I got in. The room had lightened enough for me to see reasonably well. “Have some beer, if you need it badly enough to beg. Unfortunately, I can not introduce you three to my friends. You see, they must maintain their standards, which would be irretrievably lowered by social contact with the less fortunate members of-”
“Come off it, Vladimir. They played a good joke on you. Don’t rub it back on them. Gentlemen, I am Sir Conrad Stargard.”
“And I am Sir Gregor Banki. These are my brothers Sir Wiktor and Sir Wojciech.”
“Sir Wojciech! What fool finally knighted you?” I asked, but was ignored.
“You are the Sir Conrad Stargard? I should have known by your size,” Wiktor said.
“You are the warrior who singlehandedly destroyed Sir Rheinburg’s outlaws? The warlock who is doing all those strange things in Okoitz?”
“Gentlemen, if you want to stay friends, I’ll ask you to forget that word ‘warlock.’ I’ve built a textile factory at Okoitz and I have a few windmills going up. As to the rest, well, it just sort of happened,” Conrad said.
A waitress from the inn brought a tray of beer and mugs. Despite the fact that we had five lovely and nude young ladies in the tub with us, all male eyes followed her around the room as she served.
As she left, Wiktor said, “Sir Conrad, how do you go about training them to walk that way? I mean, the way her, uh, derriere moves. . .”
“It’s not training. It’s the shoes. Walking on high heels requires more hip action.”
“I’ve got to get one of those outfits!” Yawalda whispered.
Conrad laughed. “Gentlemen, let me complete the introductions. These are Lady Krystyana, Lady Annastashia, Lady Natalia, Lady Yawalda, and Lady Janina.”
“We are honored, ladies,” Gregor said. “You must forgive me. I had assumed that since Sir Conrad just came from Okoitz, you must be some of Count Lambert’s famous ladies-in-waiting.”
“Well, they are,” Conrad said. “Or were. But since I seem to be their guardian, I’ve just promoted them to the nobility.”
“Can you do that?” Wiktor asked.
“Are you saying that I can’t?” Conrad said.
“Sir Conrad, considering the stories that we’ve heard of your sword, I’d say that you can do just about any thing you want.” Gregor laughed.
“Then it’s settled,” Conrad said. “I think I’ve soaked enough to loosen the dirt. Krystyana, if you’d get a brush and some soap going on my back, I’ll return the favor shortly.”
As soon as Krystyana went to work, Annastashia claimed proprietorship of my own back. After a few moments of reciprocal grinning between my cousins and the other girls, there was shortly a great deal of scrubbing going on. A very great deal. In fact, the waitress returned to freshen our mugs and was hardly noticed.
Things became increasingly boisterous, which was just as well. The mood of the company was such that things had to fall out either to sport or to sex and I wouldn’t like my aunts to hear that I was involved in a public orgy!
Soon people were bumping into people, Natalia splashed Gregor, he retaliated, and in moments the room exploded with soapy water as everyone joined in.
As the water settled, Conrad vaulted from the tub and went to the clean-water tub for a hot soak. The old bath attendant, having finished with our clothes, came in, shook her tired gray head and picked up a mop. She dried the floor, muttering under her breath. The waitress returned with fresh mugs of beer, as the old ones were half filled with soapy water.
The others followed Conrad to the clean tub, but Annastashia motioned for me to stay behind with her.
“What Sir Conrad said,” she whispered, “about how we were all ladies, now. Is that real? I mean, would your parents. – .”
I shook my head. “It means that you will be treated with great courtesies at the inn and on Sir Conrad’s lands. But my parents, especially my mother-she’d look down on anyone whose great-grandfather was a commoner.”
After the bath, my cousins accepted Sir Conrad’s invitation to supper. We returned to the inn to find the table ready for us and fairly groaning with food and drink. We did justice to a slab of smoked shellfish, a joint of lamb, and an entire goose. Gallons of wine and buckets of beer washed down mounds of bread and cheese. I think only my Uncle Felix sets a better table than Conrad’s innkeeper.
Further, we did not have to go to the market to purchase these things so that the inn could prepare them, as is the usual arrangement with inns, but the inn provided the service, not only to us but to all as a matter of custom. The innkeeper told me that this innovation of Sir Conrad’s was partly responsible for the profitability of the inn, for by buying in vast quantities he was able to get the best at very low prices.
“Further,” Tadeusz continued, “I need only prepare a half dozen items a day to satisfy my guests, saving the cooks much effort.”
“But how do you know how much to cook?” Krystyana asked.
“My lady, we know about how much of what our guests will eat. True, sometimes the pigs are fed better than they deserve, but not often. Also, our waitresses have become adept at persuading our customers to purchase that which we have in excess.”
I laughed. “I think those girls could have a man eating dog meat without his noticing!”
“Hmm … an interesting suggestion, my lord. But I’m afraid that Sir Conrad would not approve.”
“No, Sir Conrad would not approve,” Sir Conrad said. “And you’re feeding surplus food to the pigs? That’s not good. Tomorrow, talk to Father Thomas and see what can be done about giving it to the deserving poor. Don’t give them anything you wouldn’t eat yourself, but, well, there are hungry people out there.”
I drifted off in private words with Annastashia and so lost the thread of the conversation. When I returned, Sir Conrad was reading from a list.
“…two dozen carpenter’s hammers, two dozen mason’s hammers, three dozen wood chisels, assorted, one dozen wheelbarrows, two dozen…”
“Sir Conrad,” I said, “what are you talking about? And what is a wheelbarrow?”
“A wheelbarrow is a sort of pushcart with only one wheel.”
“One wheel? Then why doesn’t it fall over?”
“It would, except that a man holds it up.”
“That makes no sense at all.”
“When you see one you’ll understand. Come take a look at this list of tools I need to buy. Tell me if I’ve forgotten anything.”
“Tools? Why buy tools?” I asked. “If you hire workmen, they’ll have their own tools.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Then there is perhaps another thing you don’t know, Sir Conrad,” my cousin Gregor said. “And that’s that a workman with tools costs half again more than one without. If you project work of any size…”
“We have a town to build, with a wall and a mine to redig, and-”
“Then you will save by providing the tools yourself. Also, your tools would doubtless be made hard by this cementation process of yours that we have been hearing about. ”
“Of course.”
“Then they will be better tools than any a workman would have. Times have not been good in Cieszyn. In the last year, not a workman in the city has spent a penny on anything but food, and little enough on that.”
“That rough, huh?”
“It saddens a man to look at them, the men ragged and hungry, the women worse.”
“And the children?” Conrad asked.
“The children? They’re aren’t many of them. Mostly they die very young. But what can one do? My own peasants are well enough fed and we support our own poor but that is all. I have no great store of wealth with which to feed all the wretches in the city.”
“But surely something can be done.”
“If you would be a benefactor, Sir Conrad, hire more men than you need. You’ll get them cheap enough. And build on a lavish scale.”
“A good thought, Sir Gregor. I’ll act on it.”
Chapter Four
FROM THE DIARY OF CONRAD SCHWARTZ
It soon became obvious that I couldn’t simply hire a construction company and go to Three Walls. I would have to hire individuals and form them into a unit myself.
Furthermore, most workmen didn’t have their own tools. They had sold them to feed their families. What few tools were in the men’s hands were in very poor shape and were often poorly designed in the first place.