“Are we going to get going or just talk about it?” Asked Arthur.
“Now there’s someone straining at the leash,” said Zaphod. “Obviously a love hungry man. We’ll get going soon, monkey man. We won’t use improbability drive, no point in getting there too early. We want to make a big entrance.”
CHAPTER 47
Eccentrica Gallumbits’ night-club planet looked no different from any other Magrathean planet on approach. Only on closer inspection could you make out the glittering surface. Zaphod put the Heart of Gold into orbit around the planet to get a better look. A huge complex covered a quarter of the planet, with ship parks covering the remainder. Zaphod tuned the Sub-Etha radio into the planet and a bass line, which sounded like it had been carved out of granite, pounded the speakers.
“Now that’s what I call a groove,” said Zaphod, tapping his heads together in time.
The planet suddenly burst into light as it was switched to sound to light. The surface pulsated with the beat.
“Beats the hell out of a neon sign,” said Arthur.
Zaphod parked the Heart of Gold in a predominant position as usual. They stepped out into the ship park. A robot transporter pulled up and they climbed aboard.
“The electricity bill must be phenomenal,” said Arthur, as the transporter weaved through the myriad of flashing lights.
“All done with fibre optics, no doubt,” said Ford. “Probably all runs off one light bulb.”
And the beat went on. The transporter had Quadraphonic speakers to confirm that the lights weren’t going off at a tangent. Arthur could feel his heart trying to keep time with the music. The transporter pulled up at the main entrance.
Flash bulbs flashed. Cameras whirred. Reporters jostled with each other to get a good position.
“Are you still going through with it, Zaphod?”
“Are you really giving up the wild life?”
“Do you think marriage will interrupt your quest for ultimate coolness, Mr Beeblebrox?”
“Hey guys,” said Zaphod, lapping up the attention. My future wife will hear about anything I say to you, and you know how you take things I say out of context.” He stopped and posed briefly for photographers. “So I guess I ought to remain silent.”
After several throwaway poses, he went through the crowd to the door. Ford and Arthur fought their way through to join him. Zaphod put his arms around them and grinned for the cameras. “One for the album. My last night of freedom!”
CHAPTER 48
Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple breasted whore of Eroticon 6, is universally famous as one of the best good times known to males. Part of her fame is due to a coffee cup being placed on a genetic engineer’s plan prior to her birth. Gallumbits, an old inferno of Zaphod Beeblebrox, has been the centre of many wild rumours, such as her erogenous zones starting four miles from her body where, in fact, it has been statistically proven that even when she is in the mood, the distance is at most two miles. Another rumour, inaccurate again, is that fortunate males, whom we shall accurately call joyriders, accompanying Gallumbits on what we shall call an excursion, experience a feeling akin to the planet/moon/starship/waterbed moving. Professional observers, positioned at a safe distance, have observed that no such movement is apparent. However, as joyriders considerably outnumber professional observers, this has yet to be proven. Any professional observers who have joined the growing ranks of joyriders in an attempt to measure any movement first hand usually drop all their necessary equipment in a frenzy at the appropriate moment.
She has been condemned by ‘Females Repelled by an Uncaring Male Population Society’ (FRUMPS) as ‘degrading to females’ and ‘too stupid for words’. However, Gallumbits has proven to have one of the most brilliant female business minds of all time. Her three dimensional, full size holoposter (cost of the planning permission for the house extension included in the price) helped her retain her Positively the Most Polpular Pin-Up Award for the tenth year running and boosted her earnings close to Disaster Area proportions. Her favourite saying ‘I don’t care if they are more interested in my body than my mind, so long as they realise that I am more interested in their money than their body’ angered the FRUMPS so much, they sued. Gallumbits was acquitted by a male judge and an all male jury.