‘ What ?’ I shouted.I whirled round, took him by the shoulders and shook him. ‘We should be what ? Ashamed of being conscious?Are you crazy?What’s wrong with you?How can you say something like that?’
‘Just listen!I don’t mean they’re better; I don’t mean we should try to live like them, I mean that they have an idea of of light and shade that we don’t have.They’re proud sometimes, too, but they’re ashamed as well; they feel all-conquering and powerful but then they realize how powerless they really are.They know the good in them, but they know the evil in them, too; they recognize both, they live with both.We don’t have that duality, that balance.And and can’t you see it might be more fulfilling for one individual – me – who has a Culture background who is aware of all life’s possibilities, to live in this society, not the Culture?’
‘So you find this hellhole more fulfilling?’
‘Yes, of course I do.Because there’s – because it’s just so alive.In the end, they’re right Sma; it doesn’t really matter that a lot of what’s going on is what we – or even they – might call bad ; it’s happening, it’s there, and that’s what matters, that’s what makes it worthwhile to be here and be part of it.’
I took my hands off his shoulders. ‘No.I don’t understand you.Dammit Linter, you’re more alien than they are.At least they have an excuse.God, you’re the fucking mythical recent convert, aren’t you?The fanatic.The zealot.I’m sorry for you, man.’
‘Well thank you.’ He looked to the sky, blinking again.
‘I didn’t want you to understand me too quickly, and -‘ he made a noise that was not quite a laugh ‘- I don’t think you are, are you?’
‘Don’t give me that pleading look.’ I shook my head, but I couldn’t stay angry with him looking like that.Something subsided in me, and I saw a sort of shy smile steal over Linter’s face. ‘I am not,’ I said, ‘going to make this easy for you, Dervley.You’re making a mistake.The biggest you’ll ever make in your life.You’d better realize you’re on your own.Don’t think a few plumbing changes and a new set of bowel bacteria are going to make you any closer to homo sapiens either.’
‘You’re a friend, Diziet.I’m glad you’re concerned but I think I know what I’m doing.’
It was time for me to shake my head again, so I did.Linter held my hand while we walked back down to the bridge and then out of the park.I felt sorry for him because he seemed to have realized his own loneliness.We walked round the city for a while, then went to his apartment for lunch.His place was in a modern block down towards the harbour, not far from the massiveness of the city hall; a bare flat with white walls and little furniture.It hardly looked lived in at all save for a few late Lowry reproductions and sketches by Holbein.
It had clouded over in late morning.I left after lunch.I think he expected me to stay, but I only wanted to get back to the ship.
4.4:God Told Me To Do It
‘Why did I do what?’
‘What you did to Linter.Alter him.Revert him.’
‘Because he asked me to do it,’ the ship said.I was standing in the top hangar deck.I’d waited till I was back on the ship before I confronted it, via a remote drone.
‘And of course it had nothing to do with hoping he might dislike the feeling so much he’d come back into the fold.Nothing to do with trying to shock him with the pain of being human when the locals have at least had the advantage of growing up with it and getting used to the idea.Nothing to do with letting him inflict a physical and mental torture on himself so you could sit back and say I told you so after he came crying to you to take him back.’
‘Well as a matter of fact, no.You obviously believe I altered Linter for my own ends.That’s not true.I did what I did because Linter requested it.Certainly I tried to talk him out of it, but when I was convinced that he meant what he said and he knew what he was doing and what it entailed – and when I couldn’t reasonably decide he was mad – I did what he asked.
‘It did occur to me he might not enjoy the feeling of being something close to human-basic, but I thought it was obvious from what he’d said when we were talking it over beforehand that he didn’t expect to enjoy it.He knew it would be unpleasant, but he regarded it as a form of birth, or rebirth.I thought it unlikely he would be so unprepared for the experience, and so shocked by it, that he would want to be returned to his genofixed norm, and even less likely that he would go on from there to abandoning his idea of staying on Earth altogether.
‘I’m a little disappointed in you, Sma.I thought you would understand me.One’s object in trying to be scrupulously fair and even-handed is not to seek praise, I’m sure, but one would hope that having done something more honest than convenient, one’s motives would not be questioned in such an overtly suspicious manner.I could have refused Linter’s request; I could have claimed that I found the idea unpleasant and didn’t want to have anything to do with it.I could have built a perfectly adequate defence on aesthetic distaste alone; but I didn’t.
‘Three reasons:One; I’d have been lying.I don’t find Linter any more repellent or disgusting than I did before.What matters is his mind; his intellect and the state it’s in.Physiological details are largely irrelevant.Certainly his body is less efficient than it was before; less sophisticated, less damage-resistant, less flexible over a given range of conditions than, say, yours but he’s living in the Twentieth Century West, and at a comparatively privileged economic level; he doesn’t have to have brilliant reflexes or better night-sight than an owl.So his integrity as a conscious entity is less affected by all the alterations I’ve carried out on him than it already was by the very decision to stay on Earth in the first place.
Two; if anything is going to convince Linter we’re the good guys, it’s being fair and reasonable even when he might not be being so.To turn on him because he’s not doing just as I would like, or just as any of us might like, would be to force him further into the idea that Earth is his home, humanity his kin.
‘Three; – and this would be sufficient reason by itself -what are we supposed to be about, Sma?What is the Culture?What do we believe in, even if it hardly ever is expressed, even if we are embarrassed about talking about it?Surely in freedom, more than anything else.A relativistic, changing sort of freedom, unbounded by laws or laid-down moral codes, but – in the end – just because it is so hard to pin down and express, a freedom of a far higher quality than anything to be found on any relevant scale on the planet beneath us at the moment.
‘The same technological expertise, the same productive surplus which, in pervading our society, first allows us to be here at all and after that allows us the degree of choice we have over what happens to Earth, long ago also allowed us to live exactly as we wish to live, limited only by being expected to respect the same principle applied to others.And that’s so basic that not only does every religion on Earth have some similar form of words in its literature, but almost every religion, philosophy or other belief system ever discovered anywhere else contains the same concept.It is the embedded achievement of that oft-expressed ideal that our society is – perversely – rather embarrassed about.We live with, use, simply get on with our freedom as much as the good people of Earth talk about it; and we talk about it as often as genuine examples of this shy concept can be found down there.
‘Dervley Linter is as much a product of our society as I am, and as such, or at least until he can be proved to be in some real sense mad , he’s perfectly correct in expecting to have his wishes fulfilled.Indeed the very fact he asked for such an alteration – and accepted it from me – may prove his thinking is still more Culture-than Earth-influenced.
‘In short, even if I had thought that I had sound tactical reasons for refusing his request, I’d have had just as difficult a job justifying such an action as I would have had I just snapped the guy off-planet the instant I realized what he was thinking.I can only be sure in myself that I am in the right in trying to get Linter to come back if I am positive that my own behaviour – as the most sophisticated entity involved – is beyond reproach, and in as close accord with the basic principles of our society as it is within my power to make it.’