I mentioned the Arbitrary collected snowflakes.Actually it was searching for a pair of identical ice crystals.It had – has – a collection; not holes or figure break-downs, but actual samples of ice crystals from every part of the galaxy it has ever visited where it found frozen water.
It only ever collects a few flakes each time, of course; a saturation pick-up would be inelegant.
I suppose it must still be looking.What it will do if it ever does find two identical crystals, it has never said.I don’t know that it really wants to find them, anyway.
But I thought of that, as I left the glittering, grumbling city beneath me.I thought – and I still dream about this, maybe once or twice a year – of some drone, its flat back star-dappled, quietly in the steppes or at the edge of a polynya off Antarctica, gently lifting a single flake of snow, teasing it away from the rest, and hesitating perhaps, before going, displaced or rising, taking its tiny, perfect cargo to the orbiting starship, and leaving the frozen plains, or the waste of ice, once more at peace.
7: Perfidy, Or, A Few Words From ‘The Drone’
Well, thank goodness that’s over.I don’t mind telling you this has been an extremely difficult translation, not helped at all by Sma’s intransigent and at times obstructive attitude.She frequently used Marain expressions it would be impossible to render accurately into English without at least a three-dimensional diagram, and consistently refused to redraft or revise the text to facilitate its translation.I have done my best, but I can take no responsibility for any misunderstanding caused by any part of this communication.
I suppose I had better note here that the chapter titles (including that for Sma’s covering letter, and this) and sub-titles are my own additions.Sma wrote the above as one continuous document (can you imagine?), but I thought it better to split the thing up.The chapter titles and sub-titles are, incidentally, also all names of General Contact Units produced by the Infracaninophile manufactury in Yinang Orbital which Sma refers to (without naming) in Chapter Three.
Another thing; you will notice that Sma has the gall to refer to me simply as ‘The Drone’ in her letter.I have humoured her matronizing whim quite long enough, and now wish to make clear that my name is, in fact, Fohristi-whirl Skaffen-Amtiskaw Handrahen Dran Easpyou.I am not self-important and it is irresponsible of Sma to suggest that my duties in Special Circumstances are some sort of atonement for past misdeeds. My conscience is clear.
Skaffen-Amtiskaw.
(Drone, Offensive)
PS:I have met the Arbitrary , and it is a much more pleasant and engaging machine than Sma would have you believe.
Scratch
OR : The Present and Future of Species HS (sic) Considered as The Contents of a Contemporary Popular Record (qv).Report Abstract/Extract Version 4.2 Begins (after this break); No one likes to think about what No one likes to think No one likes to think about what might happen happen in the event of your Large Tax-Free Bonus Tax Free Bonus but have you provided for your family should your Tax Free Bonus Home Fire Alarm will protect your family Large Tax Free better than almost any competing product product Will not Better than almost any product Can you afford not to be without this inexpensive Easy Credit Terms Available Easy Easy Easy Credit Terms Available Will not damage carpets.
I :Irreversible Neu(t)ral Damage
Absolutely not it’s a good idea I told her I said dear these days you’ve got to look out for number one; go for it, honey.Don’t you take any shit about BMW Three Series with discreet spoilers and those bulky overweight mega-diaries with your whole Yuppie life inside those ribbed covers, choosing your Hyper Hyper jacket to go with the new leatherbound you just got Is that a Diver’s Watch, do you dive?No is that a Pilot’s Briefcase can you fly?Are you sure this is real Perrier?A degree with cloister cred, designer tampons and open-plan toilets.Don’t know anybody with AIDS yet.This the powder room?Na it’s a good smear done first, ‘course – and sell the Gas shares; remortgage with my cousin he’ll see you right and set it up if you want; show these fucking Grauniad reading wankers what you think of them; a Unit Trust investing only in South Africa, the nuclear and defence industries and tobacco related products products is a great idea.At least you know where you are lets do lunch and talk about it.By the way, is it true about Naomi and Gerald?
II: The Base Of The Iceberg
(smell) The crunched up packets of cheap cigarettes, black stencil writing on yellow covers they call them crush-proof in the US all crushdup.The line of dripping washing nappies, socks, nappies, blouse – needs a couple of buttons – more nappies, trousers – from the Oxfam shop – nappies (Intrusion:The economies of scale: stuff the big pinkwhite Pampers box and the E9000 gigasize economy/Family Family Family box of powder into the GTi Don’t forget the Comfort.Now then where were we Oh Yes), nappies (smell), tights, nappies, more tights more nappies drip drip drip onto the sheets of newspaper on the floor (the string runs from broken light fitting to the hook holding the faded notice about fire procedure and no guests after ten You are expected to vacate the room for six hours per day Prams must be taken up to rooms Do NOT leave prams in stair wells No cooking in room This door should be should not be wedged open kept locked at all times the building is occupied.Fire proof).The remains of Wimpy meals and McDonald’s Complete Family meals and Kentucky Fried Chicken soup in a Basket and Brightly Coloured Shakes and Wendy meals and French Fries (smell) and more French Fries (smell) and a Doner Kebab (small); junk food funk food junk food fast food for those who queued seven hours at the DHSS today spent the time in the park second hand pair of a cup last two hours but a skin forms on the top and they chase you out if they’re busy fast food lunch time if it’s raining’s the worst won’t allow prams in anyway cold in the rain and the hood leaks keep the curtains drawn all day fast food (Iknowbut)
Giro don’t come til next Tuesday she’s been there three days but they’ve lost the records sent from
Glasgow what a state poor cow fast food said it’s a respiratory complaint keep him dry I said that’s a joke fast food the park station/ DHSS/ just walk the streets I suppose(Intrusion:The dripped-on paper sez:WANT A QUICK LOAN? (homeowners only)) fast fod
(meanwhile christ rushed off our feet so busy oh fuck another three-bottle lunch! Did I pay that with the company card?Yeah a Vodaphone on the firm next month Oh dear late again Let’s share a taxi)
[fst fwd] and the tins of beans the cider bottles cough medicine tampon packets (plus VAT) baby food jars If you dip the French Fries (plus VAT) in the baby food it makes it last longer won’t stop crying feel like hitting her sometimes I know, she’s sick again (smell) and
I’m late again
(sic) what a state
fast forward
III :Beat Me Up, Scotty
of course there’s the spin-offs; Gemini gave us non-stick frying pans, or was it Chuck Yeager? fst fd Well anyway of course there’ll be peaceful applications the solar-powered television on my watch would run off the space-based lasers
IV : Hocus, Focus, Mucus
that he did, on or about the date given above, wilfully, and while in full possession of his faculties, walk under a ladder without due care and attention, step on the cracks in the pavement (1,345,964 other offences to be taken into consideration), break a mirror (statutory penalty seven years), fail to finish his meat course at dinner (thus incurring a period of rain on the following day of unspecified duration; see attached forensic meteorological report), spill approximately 211 grains of household sodium chloride (common salt:NaCl) without thereafter propelling said same household sodium chloride over and above left shoulder despite supplies of same being freely available, to the furtherance of the Devil’s works, and, farther, did, in the presence of several God-fearing witnesses, good men and true, with malice aforethought open an umbrella within a household, as defined by the Household (Definition) Act of the Year of Our Lord
V : Now Wash Your Hands
I was proceeding in a Westerly direction along Rhodes Street along with others of my gang when I observed the defendant emerging from the premises now known to me as Singh Brothers Supermarket Halal Meats and Off License , carrying a cardboard container of household supplies and sporting a dark complexion, whereupon my colleagues and I gave chase.The defendant thereupon dropped the said box of household supplies, what I kicked as I persued him.The defendant was chased into what I now know is Crucial Brew Close, where I and others kicked im in the ghoulies, kidnies and head, causing him injury and distress; following which, we ran away.And I would like to thank the Rascist Bastards Complaints Review Board for helping to keep this sort of thing on the streets (Intrusion:No one asked them to come here I’d send them all back to where they came from (Bradford).Well, before that (Bradford).Well, originally (Shock Deport Report:Royals Repatriated to Hunland/ Wopland; Entire So-Called English Upper Class ‘Relocated’ to France in 1066 Effect :East African camps being prepared for Stand Off Zanzibar Final Solution.Message Ends).