Ray retreated to his chair and his journal. He had a sinking feeling he wasn’t going to make the deadline for this year’s computer Go competition.
Myron Pashley had been born to be an FBI agent, but he was born too late. He belonged in the Bureau in the days of narrow ties, short haircuts and J. Edgar Hoover; the days when a straight-arrow personality, a gung-ho attitude and a suspicious mind could substitute for intelligence and judgment.
After graduating next-to-last in his class at the FBI academy, Pashley had pictured himself on the streets of urban America, fighting crime that was poisoning the nation’s body politic. Instead he was assigned to computer fraud and copyright violations. Not the best use for a technological idiot, his superiors admitted privately, but at least he wasn’t likely to get shot or blow an important organized crime investigation. Keep him there for a couple of years, they figured, and eventually he’d get fed up with the Bureau and quit.
His superiors had reckoned without Pashley’s zeal. Assigned to combat computer crime, Pashley convinced himself this was the new plague sweeping through America and he threw himself into the battle with the boundless enthusiasm-and the brains-of an Irish setter. He began hanging out on computer bulletin boards, running up huge phone bills as he trawled for the evil “hackers” who were insidiously spreading through the nation’s computer networks, committing all sorts of nefarious deeds.
He quickly discovered that hackers were as subtle and devious as they were dangerous. The fact that he could find absolutely no trace of any illegal activities on the bulletin boards he frequented was tangible proof how devilishly clever these “hackers” were.
He would have been more effective if he hadn’t needed someone to untangle his electronic screwups on the average of once every fifteen minutes, but he persisted.
Finally his patience was rewarded. On an obscure computer bulletin board in the Southeastern United States he found his master criminal. The messages Pashley had collected were enough to convince his boss that he really had something and a full-scale investigation was launched.
Three months later a daring and well-coordinated dawn raid on the North Carolina hideaway seized nearly a million dollars’ worth of computer equipment plus over fifty firearms. At the press conference that morning Pashley had cheerfully posed in front of tables loaded with seized items while brandishing what he called “a blueprint for techno-terrorism.”
That brief shining moment was the high point of Pashley’s career.
Unfortunately it was immediately followed by the low point. It turned out his “master hacker” was actually a science fiction novelist who wrote for computer magazines on the side and collected guns as a hobby. Not only were all the weapons the FBI had seized perfectly legal, but the “blueprint for techno-terrorism” turned out to be the notes for the author’s latest novel.
Needless to say the author was not happy. He also had a considerable talent for invective and a pen dipped in vitriol which he used to lambaste the Bureau and Special Agent Pashley in several national magazines. For one awful week even Jay Leno had been making jokes about him. Somewhere in that terrible period he had been dubbed “Clueless” Pashley and the name had stuck ever since.
It wasn’t as bad as the DEA agent in the gorilla suit, but at least the DEA agent got a solid arrest out of it. All Pashley got was a multi-million-dollar lawsuit, naming him, “John and Jane Does 1 through 999,” and the Bureau as defendants.
It hadn’t helped matters when Pashley’s superiors found he had been rather selective in the bulletin board messages he had shown them. The full message base proved “to anyone but an utter idiot” (in his boss’s memorable phrase) that the computer bulletin board was merely a way for fans to communicate with their favorite author.
His boss was demoted, his section chief took early retirement and his chief’s supervisor was transferred to a job in the Aleutian Islands. But Pashley, whose head should have gone up on a pike over the main entrance to FBI headquarters, wasn’t even reprimanded, thanks to the multi-million-dollar lawsuit pending against the Bureau. Instead he was given an “independent assignment” and sent to this observatory in the desert southwest to continue his fight against computer crime.