Waldo by Robert Heinlein

‘He’s here. Go ahead.

‘Company code, translated. Message follows: “Cracked up four miles north of Cincinnati. Shall I go on to Nebraska, or bring in the you-know-what from my own crate?” Message ends. Signed “Mac”.

‘Tell him to walk back!’ Stevens said savagely

‘Very well, sir.’ The instrument cut off

‘Your assistant?’ asked Gleason

‘Yes. That’s about the last straw, chief. Shall I wait and try to analyse this failure, or shall I try to see Waldo?

‘Try to see Waldo.

‘OK. If you don’t hear from me, just send my severance pay care of Palmdale Inn, Miami. I’ll be the fourth beachcomber from the right.

Gleason permitted himself an unhappy smile. ‘If you don’t get results, I’ll bç the fifth. Good luck.

‘So long.

When Stevens had gone, Chief Stationary Engineer Striebel spoke up for the first time. ‘If the power to the cities fails,’ he said softly, ‘you know where I’ll be, don’t you?

‘Where? Beachcomber number six?

‘Not likely. I’ll be number one in my spot, first man to be lynched.

‘But the power to the cities can’t fail. You’ve got too many cross- connects and safety devices.

‘Neither can the deKalbs fail, supposedly. Just the same, think about Sublevel 7 in Pittsburgh, with the lights out. Or, rather, don’t think about it!

Doc Grimes let himself into the aboveground access which led into his home, glanced at the announcer, and noted with mild, warm interest that someone close enough to him to pos­sess his house combination was inside. He moved ponderously downstairs, favouring his game leg, and entered the lounging room

‘Hi, Doc!’ James Stevens got up when the door snapped open and came forward to greet him

‘H’lo, James. Pour yourself a drink. I see you have. Pour me one.

‘Right.

While his friend complied, Grimes shucked himself out of the outlandish anachronistic greatcoat he was wearing and threw it more or less in the direction of the robing alcove. It hit the floor heavily, much more heavily than its appearance justified, despite its unwieldy bulk. It clunked

Stooping, he peeled off thick overtrousers as massive as the coat

He was dressed underneath in conventional business tights in blue and sable. It was not a style that suited him. To an eye unsophisticated in matters of civilized dress, let us say the mythical Man-from-Antares – he might have seemed uncouth, even unsightly. He looked a good bit like an elderly fat beetle

James Stevens’s eye made no note of the tights, but he looked with disapproval on the garments which had just been dis­carded. ‘Still wearing that fool armour,’ he commented

‘Certainly.

‘Damn it, Doc – you’ll make yourself sick, carrying that junk around. It’s unhealthy.

‘Danged sight sicker if I don’t.

‘Rats! 1 don’t get sick, and I don’t wear armour – outside the lab.

‘You should.’ Grimes walked over to where Stevens had re­seated himself. ‘Cross your knees.’ Stevens complied; Grimes struck him smartly below the kneecap with the edge of his palm. The reflex jerk was barely perceptible. ‘Lousy,’ he remarked, then peeled back his friend’s right eyelid

‘You’re in poor shape,’ he added after a moment. Stevens drew away impatiently. ‘i’m all right. It’s you we’re talking about.

‘What about me?

‘Well- Damnation, Doc, you’re throwing away your repu­tation. They talk about you.

Grimes nodded. ‘I know. “Poor old Gus Grimes – a slight touch of cerebral termites.” Don’t worry about my reputation; I’ve always been out of step. What’s your fatigue index?

‘I don’t know. It’s all right.

‘It is, eh? I’ll wrestle you, two falls out of three.’ Stevens rubbed his eyes. ‘Don’t needle me, Doc. I’m run­down. I know that, but it isn’t anything but overwork.

‘Humph! James, you are a fair-to-middlin’ radiation physicist – ‘Engineer.

‘-engineer. But you’re no medical man. You can’t expect to pour every sort of radiant energy through the human system year after year and not pay for it. It wasn’t designed to stand it.

‘But I wear armour in the lab. You know that.

‘Surely. And how about outside the lab?

‘But- Look, Doc – I hate to say it, but your whole thesis is ridiculous. Sure there is radiant energy in the air these days, but nothing harmful. All the colloidal chemists agree-

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