Carl Hiaasen – Lucky You

Shiner met them at the edge of the clearing. “I seen somebody! I did!” He radiated uncertainty and shame.

Bode snatched the TEC-9 and turned to Amber. “Tell the damn truth,” he said.

“There was something out there. I heard it.”

“A man? A critter?”

“I couldn’t say—it’s too dark.”

Chub said, “Un-fucking-believable.” He coughed up something that landed near Shiner’s feet.

The kid knew he was in trouble. After the earlier fiasco at the trailer, the colonel had given him a stern lecture about wasting ammo. “It was a human bean,” Shiner insisted in a mumble. “A nigger is what it looked like, a small un.”

Impatiently Bode Gazzer motioned for the flashlight. Amber handed it to him. He ordered everyone to stay put and stalked into the trees. Ten minutes later he returned to report finding no signs of a human prowler, Negro or otherwise.

“Figgers.” It was Chub growling. With a difficulty born of distaste and insobriety, he was attempting to insert his legs and arms into a set of Bode’s camos. His own clothes were soaked by the rain, and he was freezing his ass off in the Jockey shorts.

Amber saw Shiner’s stock sliding and tried to help. “It was making all kinds of noise. Right over there.” Pointing where Shiner had fired.

“Yeah, I bet it did,” said Bode Gazzer. From the pocket of his parka he produced a bloodied tuft of brown fur. “Got this off a leaf.”

Amber declined an offer to inspect the evidence. Shiner shrunk away in embarrassment.

“You shot a mean ole bunny rabbit.” Chub, with a sneer. “Or maybe a killer mouse.”

Amber rose. Chub asked where she was going.

“To get some sleep. You mind?” She walked to the lean-to and lay down beneath the tarp.

Chub said, “We got us a Girl Scout. She made her own tent.”

Bode told Shiner to go back out in the boat. “I need to talk to Major Chub alone.”

“Don’t call me that,” Chub grumped. The camos looked absurd; the cuffs were six inches short, and the seat was about to rip out of the trousers. Yet he couldn’t work up much indignation, he was still so high from the marine glue. He announced he was beat and headed for the lean-to to join his dream girl. •

Bode intercepted him. “Not right now.” Then, under his breath: “You got the tickets, right?”

“Yeah. Somewheres.” Chub gingerly probed at his nose, which felt scalded on the inside. “I think they’s still in the boat.”

“You think?” Bode wheeled and called to Shiner: “Hey, sergeant, change of plans!” Motioning toward the tarp. “You go ahead and sleep there. Chub and me’ll take the perimeter.”

Wordlessly Shiner did what he was told. He stretched out next to Amber, whose lovely eyes were closed. The wind had dropped off noticeably, and the rain had waned to an irregular drizzle that made whispers on the oilskin. Shiner was half dozing when he heard Amber’s voice:

“It’s going to be OK.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself,” she told him.

Nothing could have puzzled Shiner more.

They waited until the kid and the waitress were asleep before checking the Reel Luv. The lottery tickets were safe in the console. Bodean Gazzer returned the precious condom to his wallet. Chub rolled up the other ticket, the stolen one, and slipped it into an empty bullet chamber in the.357. He laughed dopily at his own cleverness.

“Bang bang,” he said.

Bode was buoyed by the sight of Chub in camouflage, even if it wasn’t a tailored fit. At least they were finally dressed like an honest-to-God militia; Bode, Chub, Amber and Shiner.

Shiner, God Almighty…

They’d lucked out again. Thanks to the heavy weather, nobody seemed to have heard the kid’s reckless shooting or the girl’s scream. No planes or boats had come out to the island to investigate. The group’s secret position seemed safe, for now.

Bode said to Chub: “The dumb fuckup, he’s gonna get us killed.”

“No shit.”

“I say we cut him loose.”

“You got my vote.”

They agreed Shiner had outlived his usefulness to the White Clarion Aryans. While he’d faithfully backed up their story for the Lotto scam and delivered Amber to Jewfish Creek as ordered, he had become a security risk. It was only a matter of time before he’d blow away one of them by mistake.

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