She was tempted.
“What’s going to happen to us when we go back?” Strangely, she never doubted that they’d return to the future. It was only a question of when and how.
Startled, Rafe asked, slowly, “What do you want to happen?”
“Now that’s a non-answer if I ever heard one. Pure legalese. You know exactly what I mean. Do you see us having any kind of future together?”
“Yes.” His answer came too quickly.
She arched a brow.
“Ah, Helen, I don’t know. It depends on so many things. The gold — ”
She cringed. What kind of future could they possibly have if it depended on money?
” — and your dreams — ”
Babies.
” — and my family, and your father — ”
“My father?”
“Honey, get real. Your dad isn’t going to be happy about your breaking up with the colonel, but he’s going to be over-the-wall livid at you consorting with a poor Hispanic lawyer.”
“Oh, that’s totally uncalled for. My father is not prejudiced. And I am so sick of you putting yourself down and using the race card as a yardstick for everyone.”
He shrugged. “I’m just trying to prepare you for the opposition you’d get.”
“Rafe, you still haven’t answered my question. What kind of future do you see for us? Forget all the obstacles. If you had your way, how would it be? Would we date? Live together? Or…?” She couldn’t say the word. It was already too embarrassing that she was the one having to force the issue.
“Marry?” Rafe gazed at her bleakly. “Damn! You’re really pushing the big one today.”
She lifted her chin defiantly. “I just want to know where I stand.”
“You have the right, darlin’,” he said tenderly, “but I don’t have the answers for you now. I’ll admit the thought of marriage scares me, big time, but I want to be with you. And, no, I don’t want to date you, like a teenager.”
With a flash of humor, she tried to picture Rafe picking her up on a Saturday night to attend a movie. A drive-in, she’d bet.
“Stop smirking,” Rafe grumbled.
“So, you don’t want to date?”
“No. Would you consider living with me?” The yearning in his eyes stopped her breath. She felt blessed to have him care so much. “I don’t have a house, just an apartment. Of course, things will be different if we find some gold, but…” He shrugged again. “Would you live with me?”
“Maybe.” The prospect didn’t thrill her. A temporary arrangement was not what she wanted from Rafe.
He sighed dejectedly. “Helen, we want different things.”
That was true. When she could speak over the lump in her throat, she asked softly, “Would having a baby with me be such an awful thing?”
He set his gold pan aside and leaned back on both elbows, studying her with sadness. “No. That’s the worst part. It sounds more and more appealling.”
Her blood churned wildly with elation. She dropped her pan in the water and began to move toward him.
He sat up and put out a halting hand. “Let me finish. I want you so bad that I find myself making bargains with myself. Maybe one baby wouldn’t be so bad. Yeah, a child — our child — would be a different experience. If that’s what it takes to have you, probably I’ll do just about anything. That’s the way I’m thinking. Is that the kind of father you’d want for your kid?”
She shook her head.
“And I know for damn sure what would happen after that. It wouldn’t stop at one baby, Helen. You’d want more. To keep you happy, I’d agree, and before you know it, I’d be — ”
“Trapped,” she finished for him.
“Am I right?” he asked. “Am I painting the picture with all the right colors?”
“You’re making a lot of assumptions about me. Rafe, let me hold your hand or touch you while we talk. This is too important to discuss with you keeping your distance.”
“No way!” He laughed. “You touch me and it’s all over. I’d agree to anything. Anything!”
She smiled and scooted over anyhow, lacing her fingers with his. He made a low, hissing sound, but didn’t pull away.