“Enough about me. When are you and Colonel Sanders gonna bite the bullet?”
Helen bristled at his deliberately misspeaking her fiance’s name, but this time she didn’t rise to the bait. “Elliott and I will likely get married at Christmas,” she said. Even Helen heard the lack of enthusiasm in her voice. Why did the image of her marriage to Elliott loom in the distance like a dark cloud, not the special bright event it should be? And had it always been so? Was that why she’d put off the date so many times?
Do I make Elliott’s bells chime? Helen wondered. I don’t know. She bit her bottom lip pensively. Isn’t that sad? I really don’t know.
“Will you stay in the military?” Rafe interrupted her disturbing reflections.
“Until I get pregnant, yes. I want to have lots of kids.”
Rafe’s body stiffened behind her.
“Being an only child, I’ve always dreamed of… Well, anyhow, Elliott and I plan on having at least three children. I’ll quit the service then.”
She expected Rafe to make a smart response, but he didn’t. Instead, he informed her flatly, “I don’t intend to ever have any kids.”
“You don’t? Never?”
“Never.”
“You’ll probably change your mind later… when you meet the right woman.”
“I’ll never change my mind — for any woman. And I’ve had a vasectomy to make sure.”
“Oh, Rafe.”
“Don’t plan a pity party for me. It was my choice. Not everyone feels the need to overpopulate the world, or clone themselves all over the planet.”
“And that’s the reason why you don’t want children? Somehow, I don’t see you being that altruistic.”
“There you go again, Prissy, making judgments about me.”
“You’re right,” she admitted meekly. Geez, when had she turned into such a judgmental prig?
Rafe chuckled softly, as if reading her thoughts. “Now, now, Prissy, don’t be gettin’ out the guitar and love beads. I never was much good at singing ‘Kumbayah.’ ”
Even she had to laugh at that picture.
“Nah, it’s a lot simpler than that. I grew up the oldest of nine kids with a single parent — my mother. I know firsthand what it’s really like to raise babies, and I’ve had enough of it.”
“But, Rafe, babies are God’s gift to mankind. Little miracles.” Helen couldn’t imagine a life without children — her children. All her life, she’d dreamed of settling down in one place, surrounded by the love of a husband and family. Never lonely.
“Boy, are you in for a rude awakening. Once you get past the miracle, there’s just a whole lot of piss and puke. To this day, I can recognize the smell of baby shit at fifty paces.”
“You are — ”
“So crude,” he finished for her. “Anyhow, the bottom line is, kids always have problems. And they’re a constant money drain. I want to enjoy life sometime before I need a walker and dentures. Champagne, caviar, a Jacuzzi… Yeah, a Jacuzzi. A Rolex watch, a Lamborghini.”
“So, we’re back to money again.”
“Yeah, I guess we are.”
“I know it’s a cliché, but money can’t buy happiness.”
“Bull! I never bought that crock. And I’d sure like to test the theory. Did you ever notice that the people denigrating the good life are usually the ones living high on the hog? Like you.”
“Me? It’s true I never had to worry about money, but I wouldn’t categorize the way I’ve lived as the good life.”
“Helen, I saw the fancy cars your father drove when he visited you at college. BMW one time, Mercedes another. You went on vacations to exotic places like St. Thomas or Italy. I vacationed at McDonald’s in the L.A. barrio.”
“I don’t ever remember noticing my father’s cars, or caring what kind of vehicles they were.” She frowned. Wasn’t it odd that something Rafe considered so important was totally irrelevant to her?
Rafe exhaled with disbelief.
“And the vacations always seemed so boring to me. My father usually combined them with military business, and I’d be left in a hotel room with room service and a book.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Oh, Rafe! My mother died of cancer when I was eight. My only memories of her involve a sick bed.” She coughed to clear her tight throat. “Dad was career military. He tried to be a good single parent, keeping me with him, but we moved from base to base, never more than two years in one place. Although we had a home in San Clemente, we rarely lived there. I was always so… alone.”