they neither make good whores nor good servants.
Those who are not thus slippery in the tail, are light of finger;
and of these the most pernicious are those who beggar you inchmeal.
If a maid is a downright thief she strips you, it once, and you
know your loss; but these retail pilferers waste you insensibly,
and though you hardly miss it, yet your substance shall decay to
such a degree, that you must have a very good bottom indeed not to
feel the ill effects of such moths in your family.
Tea, sugar, wine, &c., or any such trifling commodities, are
reckoned no thefts, if they do not directly take your pewter from
your shelf, or your linen from your drawers, they are very honest:
What harm is there, say they, in cribbing a little matter for a
junket, a merry bout or so? Nay, there are those that when they
are sent to market for one joint of meat, shall take up two on
their master’s account, and leave one by the way, for some of these
maids are mighty charitable, and can make a shift to maintain a
small family with what they can purloin from their masters and
mistresses.
If you send them with ready money, they turn factors, and take
threepence or fourpence in the shilling brokerage. And here let me
take notice of one very heinous abuse, not to say petty felony,
which is practised in most of the great families about town, which
is, when the tradesman gives the house-keeper or other commanding
servant a penny or twopence in the shilling, or so much in the
pound, for everything they send in, and which, from thence, is
called poundage.
This, in my opinion, is the greatest of villanies, and ought to
incur some punishment, yet nothing is more common, and our topping
tradesmen, who seem otherwise to stand mightily on their credit,
make this but a matter of course and custom. If I do not, says
one, another will (for the servant is sure to pick a hole in the
person’s coat who shall not pay contribution). Thus this wicked
practice is carried on and winked at, while receiving of stolen
goods, and confederating with felons, which is not a jot worse, is
so openly cried out against, and severely punished, witness
Jonathan Wild.
And yet if a master or mistress inquire after anything missing,
they must be sure to place their words in due form, or madam huffs
and flings about at a strange rate, What, would you make a thief of
her? Who would live with such mistrustful folks? Thus you are
obliged to hold your tongue, and sit down quietly by your loss, for
fear of offending your maid, forsooth!
Again, if your maid shall maintain one, two, or more persons from
your table, whether they are her poor relations, countryfolk,
servants out of place, shoe-cleaners, charwomen, porters, or any
other of her menial servants, who do her ladyship’s drudgery and go
of her errands, you must not complain at your expense, or ask what
has become of such a thing, or such a thing; although it might
never so reasonably be supposed that it was altogether impossible
to have so much expended in your family; but hold your tongue for
peace sake, or madam will say, You grudge her victuals; and expose
you to the last degree all over the neighbourhood.
Thus have they a salve for every sore, cheat you to your face, and
insult you into the bargain; nor can you help yourself without
exposing yourself, or putting yourself into a passion.
Another great abuse crept in among us, is the giving of veils to
servants; this was intended originally as an encouragement to such
as were willing and handy, but by custom and corruption it is now
grown to be a thorn in our sides, and, like other good things,
abused, does more harm than good; for now they make it a
perquisite, a material part of their wages, nor must their master
give a supper, but the maid expects the guests should pay for it,
nay, sometimes through the nose. Thus have they spirited people up