Farnham’s Freehold By Robert A. Heinlein

“Who ordered this?”

The surgeon looked surprised. “The Chief Domestic, of course. Why?”

“Why wasn’t I told?”

“I don’t know, better ask him. I got it as a routine order, we carried it out in the routine fashion. Sleeping powder in his evening meal, I mean, then surgery that night. Followed by post-surgical care and the usual massive dosage to keep him tranquil. It tends to make some of them a little nervous at first, we vary it to suit the patient. But, as you can see, this patient has taken it as easily as pulling a tooth. By the way, that bridge I installed in your mouth. Satisfactory?”

“What? Yes. Never mind that! I want to know-”

“May it please you, the Chief Domestic is the one to see. Now, if this one may be excused, I’m overdue to hold sick call. I merely stopped by to make sure my patient was happy.”

Hugh went to his apartment and threw up. Then he went looking for Memtok.

Memtok received him into his office at once, invited him to sit down. Hugh had begun to value the Chief Domestic as a friend, or as the nearest thing he had to a friend. Memtok had formed a habit of dropping in on Hugh in the evenings occasionally and, despite the boss servant’s vinegary approach to life and the vast difference in their backgrounds and values, Hugh found him shrewd and stimulating and well informed within his limits. Memtok seemed to have the loneliness that a ship’s captain must endure; he seemed pleased to relax and enjoy friendship.

Since the other upper servants were correctly polite with the Chief Researcher rather than warm, Hugh, lonesome himself, had enjoyed Memtok’s unbending and had thought of him as his friend. Until this- Hugh told Memtok bluntly, without protocol, what was on his mind. “Why did you do this?”

Memtok looked surprised. “Such a question! Such a very improper question. Because the Lord Protector ordered it.”

“He did?”

“My dear cousin! Tempering is always by the lord’s order. Oh, I recommend, to be sure. But orders for alterations must come from above. However, if it is any business of yours, in this case I made no recommendation. I was given the order, I had it carried out. All.”

“Certainly it was my business! He works for me.”

“Oh! But he had already been transferred before this was done. Else I would have made a point of telling you. Propriety, cousin, propriety in all things. I hold subordinates strictly accountable. So I never undercut them. Can’t run a taut household if one does. Fair is fair.”

“I wasn’t told he was transferred. Don’t you count that as undercutting?”

“Oh, but you were.” The Chief Domestic glanced at the rack of pigeonholes backing his desk, searched briefly, pulled out a slip. “There it is.” Hugh looked at it. DUTY ASSIGNMENT, CHANGE IN-ONE SERVANT, MALE (savage, rescued & adopted), known as Duke, description- Hugh skipped on down. -relieved of all duties in the Department of Ancient History and assigned to the personal service of Their Charity, effective immediately. BILLETING & MESSING ASSIGNMENTS: Unchanged until further- “I never saw this!”

“It’s my file copy. You got the original.” Memtok pointed at the lower left corner. “Your deputy clerk’s sign. It always pleases me when my executives can read and write, it makes things so much more orderly. With an ignoramus like the Chief Groundskeeper, one can tell him until one’s throat is raw and later the stupid lout will claim that wasn’t the way he heard it-yet a tingling improves his memory only for that day. Disheartening. One can’t be forever tingling an upper servant, it doesn’t work.” Memtok sighed. “I’d recommend a change, if his assistant wasn’t even stupider.”

“Memtok, I never saw this.”

“As may be. It was delivered, your deputy receipted for it. Look around your office. One bullock gets you three you’ll find it. Perhaps you’d like me to tingle your deputy? Glad to.”

“No, no.” Memtok was almost certainly right, the order was probably on his own desk, unread. Hugh’s department had grown to two or three dozen people; there seemed to be more every day. Most of them seemed to be button sorters, all of them wanted to take up his time. Hugh had long since told the earnest, fairly literate clerk who was his deputy that he was not to be bothered-otherwise Hugh would have accomplished no translating after the first week; Parkinson’s Law had taken over. The clerk had obeyed and routine matters stacked up. Every week or so Hugh would go through the stack rapidly, shove it back at his deputy for file or burning or whatever they did with useless papers.