Farnham’s Freehold By Robert A. Heinlein

“I thought the toilet was still set up?”

“Well.. . I thought, with brand-new outside plumbing-”

“Of course not.”

“I feel better. Okay, buddy boy, give Barb and me a crack at the john and you can go to bed.”

“No bath?”

“If we bathe, we can bathe in the girls’ dorm after the rest of you go to bed. Thereby sparing your blushes.”

“I don’t blush.”

“You should.”

“Hold it,” interrupted Hugh. “We need a ‘No Blushing’ rule. Here we are crowded worse than a Moscow apartment. Do you know the Japanese saying about nakedness?”

“I know they bathe in company,” said Karen, “and I would be happy to join them. Hot water! Oh, boy!”

“They say, ‘Nakedness is often seen but never looked at.’ I’m not urging you to parade around in skin. But we should quit being jumpy. If you come in to change clothes and find that there is no privacy-why, just change. Or take bathing in the stream. The person available to guard might not be the sex of the person who wants the bath. So ignore it.” He looked at Joseph. “I mean you. I suspect you’re sissy about it.”

Joe looked stubborn. “That’s the way I was brought up, Hugh.”

“So? I wasn’t brought up this way either, but I’m trying to make the best of it. After a sweaty day’s work it might be that Barbara is the one available to stand bear watch for you.”

“I’ll take my chances. I didn’t see any bears.”

“Joe, I don’t want any nonsense. You’re my deputy.”

“I didn’t ask to be.”

“Nor will you be, if you don’t change your tune. You’ll bathe when you need it and you’ll accept guard service from anybody.”

Joe looked stubborn. “No, thank you.”

Hugh Farnham sighed. “I didn’t expect dam foolishness from you, Joe. Duke, will you back me? ‘Condition seven,’ I mean.”

“Deelighted!” Duke grabbed the rifle he had carried earlier, started to load it. Joe’s chin dropped but he did not move.

“Hold it, Duke. Guns won’t be necessary. That’s all, Joe. Just the clothes you were wearing last night. Not clothes we stored for you, I paid for those. Nothing else, not even matches. You can change in the tank room; it was your modesty you insisted on saving. But your life is your problem. Get moving.”

Joseph said slowly, “Mr. Farnham, do you really mean that?”

“Were those real bullets in that gun you aimed at Duke? You helped me clamp down on him; you heard me clamp down on my wife. Can I pull on them anything that rough- and let you get away with it? Good God, I’d get it from the girls next. Then the group would fall apart and die. I’d rather it was just you. You have two minutes to say good-bye to Dr. Livingstone. But leave the cat here; I don’t want it eaten.”

Dr. Livingstone was in the Negro’s lap. Joe got slowly to his feet, still holding it. He seemed dazed.

Hugh added, “Unless you prefer to stay.”

“I can?”

“On the same terms as the rest.”

Two tears rolled down Joe’s cheeks. He looked down at the cat and stroked it, then answered in a low voice, “I would like to stay. I agree.”

“Good. Confirm it by apologizing to Barbara.”

Barbara looked startled. She appeared to be about to speak, then to think better of it.

“Uh. . . Barbara. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, Joe.”

“I’d be. . . happy and proud to have you guard me. While I take a bath, I mean. If you will.”

“Any time, Joe. Glad to.”

“Thank you.”

“And now,” said Hugh, “who’s for bridge? Karen?”

“Why not?”

“Duke?”

“Bed for me. Anybody wants the pot, step over me.”

“Sleep on the floor by the bunks, Duke, and avoid the traffic. No, take the upper bunk.”

“You take it.”

“I’ll be last to bed, I want to look up a subject. Joe? Contract?”

“I don’t believe, sir, that I wish to play cards.”

“Putting me in my place, eh?”

“I didn’t say that, sir.”

“You didn’t have to. Joe, I was offering an olive branch. One rubber, only. We’ve had a hard day.”